


Human By Day, Angel By Night

by Basmasadek



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Angsty Castiel, Angsty Dean, Bottom Dean, Canon-Typical Violence, Caring Dean, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Cute Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Minor Character Death, Protective Castiel, Sam Ships It, Suicidal Thoughts, Sweet Dean, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-13 22:02:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 22,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11194332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basmasadek/pseuds/Basmasadek
Summary: A hunt went terribly wrong, found Dean and Castiel merged into one body with Dean only appearing during the day and Castiel only appearing during the night. Can they fix it? or are they stuck like this forever with no hope to see each other ever again?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I really hope you will like this story, it was really tiring writing it and painful!
> 
> English is my second language so you might find some mistakes. feel free to point them out so I can fix them.
> 
> Please comment and tell me what you guys think!

Sam was content.

He was sure that was the first time in his life he felt remotely close to that.

Why not? Life was peaceful right now. They were all alive and well, nothing evil to defeat and the world was not ending or anything.

And of course, the best part was Dean and Castiel.

Sam thought that while watching the aforementioned couple sitting across from him on the table feeding each other pancakes and smiling like idiots.

Sam didn't even have the heart to destroy their bubble and tease them.

Since the moment they got together it's been great and happy around here, but now? With the addition of the gold bands in their left hands life became even better.

Yup, that's right. Dean had finally pulled his head out of his ass and popped the big question.

It was both heart melting and hilarious if Sam was being honest.

Dean was so nervous it was down right hilarious as if Cas would ever turn him down or something.

Castiel came to him after it, eyes glowing with happiness and told him Dean did it.

Dean took them to a field and when he dropped to his knees in front of Castiel he opened the ring box upside down and while he was searching for the ring in the grass with shaking hands and cursing himself, Cas also dropped to his knees in front of him and cupped his cheeks gently and looked at him with eyes filled with love, he kissed him all over his face murmuring his answer with each kiss. Then, they started to search for the ring together.

The story both melted Sam's heart and made him laugh his ass off.

The wedding was a month after that.

It was an amazing day, all their remaining friends came and it was nice to see Dean cry from happiness for a change.

Since then, everything changed but also remained the same.

They still hunt of course, Dean and Castiel still fight with each other sometimes, but they never went to bed angry.

The only difference was, Dean was much more happy, relaxed and content.

It was nice, seeing Dean all soft and sweet, eyes always bright and happy. It was like Castiel had finally managed to break all the walls Dean had built around his heart.

And to Sam? That was both amazing and dangerous. Because that made Dean more vulnerable and fragile. That made his whole world revolving around Castiel. His happiness, his life, his everything was Castiel. And Castiel? He felt exactly the same.

Which means if anything happens to one of them, the other would be destroyed and probably follow them soon after.

That's why Sam made it his job to make sure that won't happen. He would die if necessary.

But for now as he watched them, he felt content and happy.

"Earth to Sam!" he was pulled out of his thoughts rudely by his annoying brother who was looking at him strangely while Castiel looked at him with concern.

"Sorry, I zoned out. What were you saying?" he shook his head to clear it so he can focus on his brother. "I was asking if you found any hunts. I really want to stretch my legs a little." Dean said while nudging Castiel to finish his breakfast.

Castiel was mostly human. He needs to eat, drink, sleep and can get hurt. But he was stronger than all of them and still can kickass pretty great. And since he still not used to it, he always forgets to eat and drink, always manages to tire himself to its limit and pass out literally anywhere, because he hates sleeping. (Except sleeping next to Dean of course.)

So, obviously Dean took it as his job to take care of him. He always made sure to cook his favorite food and remind him to eat so he won't starve to death. Always made sure to keep him hydrated, makes him drink water all the time and brings him a beer when he goes to bring one for himself. Always made sure to drag him to bed with him every night to tire him out in their own very, very loud ways.

It was like Dean was happy he finally found someone other than Sam to mother hen them.

And Castiel was both frustrated and delighted about all that.

"Not yet. I will start looking later today." Sam replied while finishing his breakfast. "Since, unlike you, I don't need a hunt to stretch my legs."

"Oh right, you prefer running like an idiot at five in the morning instead." Dean rolled his eyes at him.

"Dean, I run with him sometimes." Cas reminded him.

"Well, he looks like an idiot doing it while you look hot sweating in those damn shorts." Dean leered at him and kissed him gently on his cheek.

Cas just rolled his eyes at him and chuckling softly.

Sam's heart melted a little but didn't let it show. "oh my god, get a room." He grumbled half heartily.

"My husband. I will kiss him anywhere I want, anytime I want." Dean stated smugly and pressed his lips to Castiel's just to prove his point.

Sam just rolled his eyes but smiled too. He didn't have the heart to be annoyed.

He just ignored them as one kiss turned to four and focused on his pancakes.

***

Later, Sam was in his room searching for hunts on his laptop.

He had to flee the kitchen eventually. Things got a little bit heated between the cheesy couple and forgot he was there witnessing everything.

And the best part was? He stopped being annoyed by that.

Suddenly, someone knocked on his door.

"Come in, Cas." he called knowing it was Castiel because Dean would never knock, he would just burst into the room.

Castiel opened the door and walked over to him, looking shy.

"Hello Sam," He greeted shyly. "I just came to apologies. Dean can get a little-" he blushed "-Carried away. We didn't mean to chase you out of the kitchen."

Sam just grinned. "Don't worry about it. I kind of got used to it. I don't even get annoyed about it anymore."

Castiel smiled at him.

Sam forgot to mention that Dean wasn't the only one who was happy about Castiel being here permanently. Sam was equally happy about that. Castiel was Sam's brother, both legally and emotionally, he was glad to finally found someone who he can go full nerd with, someone who doesn't shy away from emotional conversations. Sam was sure he can talk to Castiel about anything and was sure that he won't judge him or tease him.

"Did you find a hunt?" Castiel inquired looking at Sam's laptop curiously.

"Yeah, " he answered. "I think I did found one."


	2. Chapter 2

Sam sat in the backseat of the car glaring at the couple sitting in the front.

They were on their way to the small town that the hunt was in. Dean insisted that they go right away and made them pack as fast as possible and soon they hit the road.

But right now, Sam was grumpy because he lost a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to Castiel over the front seat of the car and was stuck in the back .

Apparently, The angel was very fond of holding Dean's hand while he drove, which was sweet and adorable but Sam will never admit that!

"come on, Sammy. Cas won fair and square. So stop pouting like a five year old." Dean teased grinning widely. Obviously also enjoying the hand holding.

"I'm not pouting!" he grumbled trying to hide the fact that he was indeed pouting.

"I can see that" Dean snorted while rolling his eyes. Then, he turned on the radio and his loud music burst into the car and started to sing loud and obnoxiously along to annoy Sam.

Castiel was watching all that with a soft smile.

Dean looked over at him and smiled back then brought his hand to his lips and kissed it sweetly.

Sam would be heartless if he didn't think that was sweet and couldn't bring himself to be mad anymore.

***

Dean continued to sing loudly, glad that no one in the car complained, other than Sam of course, but that didn't matter.

He just felt alive. Everything was perfect. His brother pouting in the backseat while his husband was smiling softly at him and holding his hand.

This was heaven to Dean.

After a few more minutes Sam gave up and started to sing loudly too while Castiel chuckled at how awful they both sound.

If Dean died right now he will die happy.

Two hours later, they parked in front of a motel in the intended town.

Sam was sleeping in the back but Castiel was still wide awake.

"We didn't you sleep a little?" Dean whispered gently while pressing his lips to Castiel's temple.

"Didn't want you to stay awake alone." Castiel murmured a little sleepily.

Dean smiled gently at him and kissed him sweetly.

They got carried away as usual and one kiss turned to six.

"Oh come on! Not again!" Sam's annoying shout broke the moment just when Dean was about to deepen the seventh kiss completely forgetting Sam's existence.

"Like I said before: My Husband" Dean murmured against Castiel's lips smugly.

Sam gave him one of his legendary bitch faces. "Let me guess, that would be your excuse for the rest of our lives, isn't it?"

"Yup, Best excuse ever." Dean replied punctuating each word with a kiss to Castiel's lips.

Castiel took pity on Sam and pulled away chuckling softly.

"I will go and get us our rooms." He said opening the door but was yanked back by Dean who pulled him closer again to press one more kiss on his lips.

"For good luck." Dean murmured against his lips grinning smugly.

Castiel laughed then untangled himself again and got out of the car.

Dean kept staring at him until he disappeared inside the motel.

"Oh my god, you are so whipped it hurts to look at." Sam smirked at him.

"Yup, and I don't even care." Dean beamed at him smugly.

Sam's face softens and smiled at him. "I am really happy for you, Dean."

Dean smiled gratefully at him. "I know. Thanks, Sam."

Then, Castiel came back with their room keys.

***

They gathered in Dean and Castiel's room to discuss the hunt.

Sam was sitting on the table with his laptop opened in front of him while Dean sat next to him.

"Alright, so get this." Sam started. "Four victims were found in the past two weeks, a look of pure terror on their faces and burn marks around their throats like they were choked by a rope made of fire or something and-" Sam stopped talking when he realized that Dean wasn't listening to a word he was saying. "Dean?"

He looked over at Dean and found him staring at something intently, his beer frozen a few inches from his mouth.

Sam followed his line of sight and saw that Dean was staring at Castiel's hip that was revealed when his shirt rolled up a little while he was reaching up to get something from a top shelf in the kitchen area.

Dean was staring so intently, that Sam was surprised that Castiel didn't get any holes in his hips by now.

Sam rolled his eyes so hard he was sure they were going to fall from his face.

His brother was so damn whipped!

And the fact that Castiel started to wear Dean's clothes probably made him even more whipped.

It was annoying, it was hilarious and it was so damn heartwarming it hurts!

Castiel finally found what he was looking for and turned towards him.

He tilted his head to the side when he saw Dean staring at him, frozen in place and red faced.

"Dean? Are you alright?" Castiel asked in confusion and looked like he had no idea what was going on.

Sam was seconds away from falling from his chair and laughs his ass off.

Dean didn't respond and his stare only got more intense.

"Sam, I think we should call it a night." He croaked eyes never leaving his husband.

Castiel understood what was going on and a smirk appeared on his face making Dean whine a little.

Sam took this as his cue to run for his life.

"See you guys tomorrow!" he called to them while he ran out the door as fast as he could.

***

Sam couldn't sleep.

Because Castiel forgot as usual to book a room far away from his and Dean's and Sam was now stuck with a room wall to wall to theirs.

From the millions of times he heard them doing the deed he can almost foresee when they will shout each other's names and when they reach completion.

Sam had no idea how to feel about that knowledge.

Like now, Sam was sure Dean will call out saying:

"Fuck, Cas!"

Right on time. Now Cas will answer with:

"Dean." While probably kissing Dean's throat from the smacking sounds he was hearing.

Now, the head board will hit the wall repeatedly, signaling that Castiel decided to speed up.

Dean then will shout:

"God, Cas! Faster!" which Castiel will willingly oblige.

Sam hated the fact that he knows all that but didn't exactly have a choice. Dean was apparently a very loud bottom and Castiel a very eager top.  
Now, they were almost done. They will call out each other's names in Three… Two….One.

"Cas!"

"Dean!"

And they are done.

Sam smiled in relief and turned over in his bed to sleep when finally they quieted down.

Ten minutes later Sam's eyes wide opened when he heard movement again in the other room.

Oh no! It was one of those nights!

Damn Angel Stamina!!!

***  
Outside the motel the motel, a figure stood in the darkness with a smug smile on their face.

"They took the bait." They rejoiced smugly. Then disappeared into thin air.


	3. Chapter 3

Next day, he found them in a diner to have breakfast.

Sam was trying to look at his laptop but his eyes refused to stay open for too long.

The bastards did the deed three times the night before! And the strangest part was they weren't as tired and sleepy as him! Sam suspects that was an angel thing.

He glared at the aforementioned bastards who was sitting across him and gazing lovingly at each other while eating.

He was going to kill them.

"Hey Sammy, who peed on your cereal?" Dean smirked smugly at him.

"Oh, no one. There was just those bastards in the room next to mine who kept at it all night like bunnies and stole my precious sleep!" Sam glared daggers at them.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm one satisfied bunny." Dean grinned smugly gazing heatedly at the other bunny next to him.

Castiel smiled calmly and looked over at Sam. "Sorry we kept you up all night, Sam" but he didn't look sorry at all.

"Whatever" Sam murmured petulantly. " Anyway, are you guys ready to talk about the hunt yet?"

***

They went back to the motel to finally discuss the hunt without jumping each other again.

"So, like I said yesterday, there are four victims all with burned marks around their necks like they were choked with a burning rope and a look of terror on their faces." Sam reported eyes trained on Dean to make sure he won't get distracted again.

"Is there anything in common with the four victims?" Castiel asked.

"Well, they all went to the same bar."

"Then we start from there." Dean stated eagerly when he heard the word 'bar'.

"I knew you were going to say that." Sam rolled his eyes at him. "No drinking on the job, Dean!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

***

They spent the whole day researching for any creature or weapon that might be the cause.

Well, Sam and Castiel researched while Dean kept whining how bored he was and getting water and food to Castiel because (The idiot always forgets to eat and drink, Sam!) Castiel would just roll his eyes but oblige him nonetheless.

They found several weapons and myths but nothing fits.

"I think I found something that might be fitting." Castiel suddenly announced raising his eyes from the laptop that Dean insisted to buy for him. " A weapon called Pasha."

"What is that?" Sam asked curiously, his attention zeroing on Castiel.

" Pasha, often translated as "noose" or "lasso", is a supernatural weapon depicted in Hindu iconography. Hindu deities such as Ganesha, Yama and Varuna are depicted with the pasha in their hands."

"Who?" Dean asked in confusion.

Castiel ignored him and continued. " Yama, the god of death, uses the Pasha to extract a soul from a being's body at the time of death. In sculpture, it is depicted as two or three bound into one or a double loop and looked like it was made with pure energy and glowed with bright blue glow."  
"So it sucks human souls from their bodies?" Dean asked when he begins to understand.

"Not just human souls. It can pull an angel or a demon from their vessels. It is very powerful and dangerous."

"In the wrong hands maybe." Sam nodded in agreement. "So, you think that's what killed those guys?"

"I don't know, that's the only thing that made sense so far, I see no harm to put it as a possibility."

Dean looked at the clock and found it was eight already.

"Alright, it's time to head to the bar and ask around if anyone saw a crazy guy with a glowing rope." Dean announced already pulling Castiel from his seat and heading to the door.

***

They entered the bar and started to look around.

"Where do we start?" Castiel inquired curiously.

"I will start with a few shots." Dean smirked and marched forward to order his drink.

Sam and Castiel rolled their eyes at him but followed him anyway.

After a few hours of grilling the bartender for information, Sam walked back to their table to find a very frustrated Castiel with a very drunk Dean.

"Really, Dean?! I told you not to drink much!" Sam hissed at him.

"Am not drunk." Dean slurred grinning widely at Castiel.

"Why did you let him get drunk, Cas?"

"I left him for ten minutes to ask for information and then I found him like this!" Castiel answered frustrated. "What did you find?"

"Well, the bartender was really helpful. He told me that he saw a creepy guy that came frequently here for the past two weeks and once he saw him heading towards an old factory close from here."

"Well, then. We can head there tomorrow. Dean won't be much help right now."

"Hey!" Dean protested pouting like a five year-old.

They stayed for another half hour then headed out, unaware of the eyes that watched them intently from the moment they entered the bar.

***

"C'mon Sam, I wasn't THAT drunk last night." Dean insisted in the morning wincing a little at the raging headache in his head.

"You were flirting with Cas the whole time!"

"So what, he's my husband."

"You asked him if he was single." Sam smirked smugly at him. "And then you cried when he said he wasn't."

Dean blinked at him a few times while Castiel chuckled softly next to him.

"Well, that proves one thing." He suddenly grinned mischievously at Castiel. "I will still totally hit on you even when I am drunk."

Castiel laughed loudly. "Yeah, I guess that's true." He grinned fondly at him.

Sam just shook his head.

Dean can get away with anything.

"Okay, whatever. Can we please focus on the case now?"

"Fine, fine." Dean sighed. "You said something about an old factory."

"Yes, people around here say that weird lights came from there four times in the past two weeks. The obvious explanation is, the weapon was used there on the victims then the killer threw the bodies somewhere else."

"Alright, we will search there tonight. I hope we will finish this soon. I desperately need some alone time with someone here." He wiggled his eyebrows at Castiel who just shook his head at him while smiling softly.

Sam was sure his eyes would fall off from how much he rolls his eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

At midnight, they reached the old factory.

They stared at it from the car for a few minutes.

"Well, it sure looks scary." Dean murmured looking suspiciously at the creepy building. "So what, we will just march inside without knowing what to expect?"

"I really don't think anyone is there." Sam remarked also looking at the building. "We might just find a lead or something."

"I do feel there is some kind of energy in there." Castiel stated looking like he was focusing on said energy. "I think it matches the energy that comes from the Pasha."

"So it's in there?" 

"I think so. But I am not sure if someone is inside or not."

"I guess we will find out." Dean sighed then got out of the car and the others followed.

They entered from the back door stealthily and walked around aimlessly not sure what they were looking for exactly.

Soon they reached a wide room with two doors that lead to another parts of the building.

"I guess we should split up." Dean announced not looking happy about that.

Castiel wordlessly walked towards one of the doors while Sam and Dean walked towards the other.

"Be careful." Dean called quietly to him.

"You too." Castiel called back then walked into the other room.

***

Castiel wandered around for almost two hours with no luck.

When he reached a wide room and still found nothing, he turned around ready to go back to the Winchesters when he felt a presence behind him.

He turned around fast, holding his angel blade in his hand.

He saw a shadow in the darkest corner of the wide room.

"Who's there?" he boomed loudly. "Show yourself!"

"No need to shout, Asstiel. I can hear you just fine." A smarmy, familiar voice answered.

Castiel felt rage rise inside him when he heard that voice.

"Metatron." He spat angrily. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Metatron came out of the shadows, his hands were behind his back like he was hiding something from Castiel's eyes.

"I brought you here." He answered smirking smugly.

"Why?" Castiel demanded raising his blade ready to strike any second. "Why did you kill those people to bring me here? And where did you get that weapon from?" 

"I want my grace back, Castiel!" Metatron sneered angrily.

Castiel smirked at that. "Did you really expect that by dragging me here and demanding your Grace, I would just relent and give it back? I would rather die."

"Well, it's your choice." He suddenly threw the Pasha at him which wrapped instantly around his throat like it had its own mind.

Castiel grabbed it and tried to pull it away but it was like an unbreakable vice around his neck.

He dropped to his knees , eyes wide with panic as the pasha started to choke him and pull him out of his body brutally.

He couldn't do anything, he couldn't save himself!

He screamed loudly when the pain became unbearable.

***

Dean's entire being shook when he heard his husband's pained, terrified scream echo through the whole building.

The next thing he knows, he was running as fast as he could to where he thought the scream came from, didn't even look behind to see if Sam followed or not, the only thing on his mind was Cas, Cas, Cas.

His heart was beating so fast he was sure it would burst any moment now. Castiel is screaming. Castiel is in pain. Castiel is in danger!

He reached the room where he was sure the scream came from and froze with fear at what he saw.

His angel was on his knees, a glowing rope, he suspected was The Pasha, wrapped around his throat sucking the life out of him and fucking Metatron was the one who was killing his husband!

Dean gasped sharply when he saw Castiel's face, his eyes were wide with panic, fear and pain. His face was a disoriented, like there was a cloud around him. That's when it hit Dean.

That wasn't a cloud. That was Castiel's true form being sucked out of his body by The Pasha.

And it was almost out.

Dean did the first thing that came to his mind.

He ran forward so fast towards his angel, ignoring Sam's screams and Metatron's shouted protests. All he was thinking was saving his angel.

Dean lunged himself at Castiel with all his strength.

The moment his body collided with Castiel's time froze. At least for Dean.

He felt like his entire being shook violently. Every cell in his body was being torn apart. Like his soul was trying to get out and tearing up his body in the process.

He was about to scream from pain and fear when he felt two familiar, strong arms wrapping around him gently but firmly.

He looked up and saw Castiel looking at him with eyes filled with warmth, love and fear.

Dean felt like he was being sucked into Castiel, but the truth was they were being sucked into each other.

There was almost no space between them. They were slowly becoming one. Their cells and souls were merging.

The world disappeared around them. Dean's entire universe was the man in his arms literally. He can hear Castiel's voice in his head. Telling him not to be afraid. Telling him everything will be fine. Telling him he will keep him safe. And Dean believed every single word. Knowing he was safe in his angel's arms he let go, let whatever was happening to them happen. As long as he was with Castiel, everything will be just fine. He wrapped his arms around Castiel and melted literally into his arms then let go completely.

The last thing Dean remembered was a bright white light.

Then he was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam's whole body was shaking with terror at the scene in front of him.

The moment they heard Castiel's scream, Dean bolted so fast, before Sam could even comprehend what just happened.

When he caught up with his brother, he saw him throwing himself at Castiel to save him and Sam knew it was a bad idea and screamed for his brother to stop.

But it was too late.

Because now, Sam was pretty sure he was losing his family.

The moment Dean's body collided with Castiel's all hell broke loose.

They both shone with bright light ,that Sam struggled to keep his eyes open, then they melted into each other. Literally.

Sam couldn't believe it either.

It looked they were being fused into one thing and Sam afraid to know what. 

He was vaguely aware of Metatron's presence but couldn't care less about him. All he was focusing on was the terrifying scene in front of him and was helpless to stop it.

Then, suddenly, they exploded.

Or that what felt like.

They exploded with bright white light and energy so strong it made Sam flew across the room and hit the wall painfully and lose conscious immediately.

***

Sam woke up slowly. His head hurt so much.

He tried to remember what happened and the moment it came back to him he immediately got to his feet and looked around frantically.

Metatron, expectedly, was nowhere to be seen.

Sam's heart fell when he saw only his brother unconscious on the floor with no sign of Castiel anywhere.

He ran forward to check on his brother. 

He pressed his ear to his chest and was relived to find he was alive, only unconscious. He checked him for injuries but find none.

Sam looked at his watch and found it was five in the morning.

They had been knocked out for almost four hours.

That must have been one hell of an explosion.

Sam's heart was beating so fast.

Where was Castiel? What if he was the reason of the explosion? What if he was-

Sam stopped that line of thought immediately.

Nope. No. absolutely not. He must be somewhere in the building and Sam was going to find him.

He struggled to carry Dean out to the car. When he laid him comfortably in the backseat, he sprinted back into the factory to search for Castiel.

Sam searched every room, every closet, everywhere the angel might be but with no luck.

He searched for almost two hours.

Sam's body was trembling with worry and fear.

Where was he? Something bad must have happened to him. God, what was he going to tell Dean? Dean won't handle it!

He went back to the car with a heavy heart. He needs to get Dean back to the motel.

He drove away from the factory.

While he drove, he kept calling Castiel's phone but it always went to voice mail.

He was starting to panic. 

Four hours later, found Sam in Dean and Castiel's room. Staring at Dean's still unconscious form on the bed and crying silently.

He tried everything. He called Castiel's phone but still no luck. He tried a tracking spell he learned before but it always led him to Dean for some unknown reason. He even tried to summon him the old fashioned was but he didn't show up. He prayed for him. A lot. But no answer. He even went back to the factory to search it again. Still nothing.

He also had no idea why Dean wasn't waking up. He was out for almost ten hours but no sign of him waking up anytime soon.

He also read all that was written about The Pasha and would happen if the process of pulling a soul was violently interrupted but didn't find enough information. He needs to go back to the Bunker to search in the books there.

Sam was dreading the moment Dean would wake up. Because he knows that the first thing he would ask about was Castiel and the answer would destroy him.

Just as he was thinking that, he heard Dean shifting on the bed. 

He bolted upright and ran to Dean's side.

"Dean?" he called hesitantly.

"Cas." Dean murmured under his breath and Sam's heart stopped. That was fast."Cas. Cas, Cas, Cas" Dean was now thrashing on the bed, and keeps repeating Cas's name like a mantra. "Cas!" he suddenly shouted bolting upright on the bed, eyes wild and looking around frantically, probably searching for the angel, and was gasping harshly like he running a marathon.

"Dean! Easy, easy." Sam was trying to calm him but Dean ignored him and kept looking around.

"Cas! where is Cas? Castiel!" Dean was shouting now, he stared up at the ceiling and kept screaming Castiel's name at the top of his lungs. Like he thought if he shouted loud enough Castiel would hear him better.

"Dean! Please calm down! Please!" Sam grabbed him tightly, tears still falling from his eyes for his brother's despair.

"No! I will not calm down! Where is he?! Where is my husband?!" Dean screamed into Sam's face. Panic, fear, distress, devastation and pain. That's what was filling Dean's wide eyes right now.

"Gone! Gone, Dean!" Sam screamed back, his own distress and despair taking over. "And I have no idea where he is, alright?!"

Dean froze completely. His hands, which were grabbing Sam's arms, shook violently.

"G-gone? W-what D-do you mean g-gone?" Dean stammered shaking violently.

Sam's heart broke.

"It means I don't know where he is. He was nowhere to be seen when I woke up and tried to find him. I still didn't" Sam whispered more calmly unable to look at his brother's broken face anymore.

Dean's hands released him slowly. Still trembling Dean sunk down on the bed, eyes open wide with disbelieve and despair.

"Yet. I didn't found him yet!" Sam added frantically when he felt he was losing his brother again. "Please, Dean. Calm down so we can think of a way to find him. Please."

Dean didn't seem to hear at first. But then he started to take deep breaths like he was trying to calm himself.

"Am calm." He murmured under his breath like he was trying to convince himself rather than Sam. "Am calm." 

But Sam didn't believe him.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean wasn't calm.

Sam was sure he won't until he at least hears Castiel's voice.

Dean was pacing around the room like a caged animal while muttering something under his breath.

Sam knew he was praying quietly to Castiel hoping he would hear him.

But all that pacing and muttering was making Sam nervous and irritated and unable to focus on what he was doing.

"Dean! Please! If you can't calm down at least sit down! I can't focus!" Sam snapped at him when couldn't take it anymore.

"What the hell are doing you anyway? We should go back to that damned factory and look for him there?" he snapped back but sat down nonetheless, his legs jumping up and down restlessly.

"Already did that. Twice." Sam replied looking at his brother. "I am doing a tracking spell."

"You did that before too and it didn't work, so why again?"

"We don't have any other way. I will try it again differently. Now do you have anything that belongs to Cas?"

Dean rushed to search around the room for something suitable, but most of Castiel's things were Dean's and it might not work. Dean kept cursing loudly and vowing that the moment he got Castiel back he will drag him to buy him his own things.

If they got him back.

Sam stopped that line of thought.

They need to find Castie. For Dean's sake at least.

***

Dean finally found Castiel's trench coat that the angel secretly stuffed in his bag.

Dean stared at the coat for a few seconds feeling his heart ached painfully.

Cas really loved that old coat. He would always bring it everywhere. He would tell Dean it comforts him. Like a lucky charm.

Dean brought the coat closer to his chest and hugged it tightly.

He will find him. He was sure of that.

He went back to Sam and gave him the coat reluctantly.

Sam started the spell immediately. When he was done they stared at the coat expectantly waiting for it to lead them to its owner.

The coat started to move.

Then it jumped suddenly into Dean's face.

"What the hell?" Dean exclaimed shoving the coat away from his face. "Why is it leading to me? What did you do wrong?"

Sam was staring at him with confusion and looked like he suspecting something but won't tell.

And Dean was afraid to ask what.

"I didn't do anything wrong." Sam replied looking distracted. "But that's exactly what happened when I tried before you woke up. It always lead to you."

"What does that mean?" Dean asked worriedly.

"I don't know, Dean."

"No, tell me what you think this means. I know you are hiding something. Spell!" 

Sam sighed heavily.

"I don't know anything for sure." Sam hesitated. "Is there…um.. a part of Castiel's grace inside you?"

"Yeah, and he got a part of my soul. That what 'Profound Bond' mean in case you didn't know." Dean replied doing the air quotes and all. He really spent too much time with Castiel. And he loved every single minute. "Why?"

"I- I think the tracking spell is attracted to the small grace inside you. And if it can't find Castiel that might mean-"

"No. no, don't you dare to say it." Dean trembled , refusing to even think about the possibility.

"But Dean, what if that explosion was him-"

"No! stop talking, Sam! Don't you dare to say it! He is fine! He is probably knocked out somewhere and the moment he wakes up he will come back to me! You will see!" Dean thundered loudly refusing to hear Sam completely.

Sam was quiet for a few seconds, just staring at him with sadness and pain in his eyes.

"Okay, Dean." He whispered softly. "We will try another way."

***

Nothing worked.

They tried everything they can think about to find Castiel. 

And the day passed with no sign of him.

Sam could see his brother was on the verge of breaking down.

He gave up a few hours ago and brought a chair in front of a window and sat on it saying that he would sit there and wait for Castiel to come back.  
Sam just kept watching his brother who was staring at the window unmoving. His heart ached for his brother. Dean was used to spent every single minute of the day with Castiel. Even when they get separated on hunts or when Castiel would prefer to stay behind in the bunker instead of going on a hunt with them they would text and call each other all the time. This was the longest Dean spent without hearing from his husband since they got together, and Dean wasn't handling it well.

Sam sighed miserably. 

He was afraid that his theory would be true. That Castiel was the reason of the explosion. That he-

He couldn't even think it.

If that truly what happened, he wasn't sure Dean would survive it.

***

Dean was aware that Sam was watching him but couldn't care.

He just kept staring out the window, deep in thought.

Castiel was alive. He was sure about that.

Because if he wasn't Dean would have felt it. Dean would have died soon after. He won't handle it.

That's why he was certain that Castiel was alive but he couldn't really tell Sam that. Sam wouldn't understand.

Cas will not leave him. Cas will always come back to him one way or another. He believed in Cas.

He felt Sam move behind him to the bathroom but he didn't look back at him. He was too busy staring at the sunset.

His heart ached as he watched. He and Castiel loved to watch the sunset together on the hood of his car. Well, Cas would watch the sunset, Dean would be too busy staring at Castiel's face as the colors from the sunset reflect on his face making him even more beautiful. Making him glow. Dean would always feel calm and content when he watch that.

He felt tears fall slowly from his eyes again but didn't bother to wipe them.

Then, suddenly, the moment the sun disappeared, Dean felt weird. Then, the pain started.

Every cell in his body was screaming with agony, his soul itself was screaming. He fell from the chair and hunched over himself willing for the pain to disappear, his screams of pain refused to get out, his body trembled violently from the pain.

When it became unbearable he felt himself glow slowly.

The last thing he remembered before passing out, was him shining with bright white light.

Then he was gone.

***

Sam heard a thud coming from the room, when he opened the bathroom door to see what's going on he was met by blinding white light.

"Dean?!" he shouted while covering his eyes from the light.

A few seconds passed then the light disappeared. Sam opened his eyes carefully at first then widened with shock at what he saw.

Dean was nowhere to be seen, but in his place was none other than Castiel, looking around with confusion and anxiety.


	7. Chapter 7

"Cas!" Sam exclaimed then rushed to Castiel and hugged the confused angel tightly. "Where the hell have you been, man?! We were worried sick! What happened? Where did you-"

"Where's Dean?" Castiel cut him off. He pulled away from Sam and kept looking around the room frantically. "Dean? Dean, where are you?"

Sam looked at him with confusion and worry. "What do you mean 'where's Dean'? he was here a few minutes ago!"

Castiel wiped around to look at him sharply with wide frantic eyes. "What? Where is he now? Where did he go? Why did you let him out of your sight?!" Castiel yelled at his face, eyes filled with panic, anger and fear.

Sam cowered under Castiel's rage. He couldn't help it. It was dangerous to say the wrong thing to a furious Castiel.

"I only left him to go to the bathroom! It was only for a few minutes. When I came back there was a bright white light, then you were there!"

Castiel stared at him with wide eyes, looking confused and panicked.

Sam's heart ached for him.

"Where were you, Cas?" Sam asked again carefully, afraid of angering him again. "We looked for you everywhere. I tried to summon you but you never showed. Dean prayed for you all the time. We even did a tracking spell but it didn't work. I thought you were dead! Dean had a panic attack when he didn't find you."

Castiel looked even more confused and worried. "I- I don't know. The last thing I remember was Metatron using the Pasha on me and Dean trying to save me then something went horribly wrong and an explosion happened. Then, I am standing here, confused, almost 17 hours later."

Sam blinked at him with confusion too. 

"You really don't remember anything of the past 17 hours? At all?!"

Castiel shook his head, looking like a lost puppy.

"Where is Dean?" he asked again. Like his brain won't function unless he saw Dean in front of him safe and sound. Right now, his brain would just say Dean, Dean, Dean.

***

Castiel can't think straight.

His only concern right now was to find Dean.

He didn't care what happened to him in the past 17 hours. He didn't care about the wrongness he feels since he opened his a few minutes ago. He didn't care if that explosion or the Pasha affected him somehow. He only cared about Dean and Dean only.

What worried him more was the fact that he can't even feel Dean anymore. He was used to feel his presence all the time. Used to feel his longing whenever they were apart. Used to hear his voice in his head when he prays.

But now nothing.

Dean wasn't dead. Castiel was sure about that. If he was he would have felt it, then he would just stab himself in the heart to follow him. He was not going to live in a world that Dean wasn't in. 

But now he felt nothing. Like Dean didn't even exist anymore. And that's much worse.

Sam says Dean was there right before he appeared. Then, suddenly the moment Castiel is there Dean disappear from existence?! That didn't make any sense! And it was driving him mad!

They tried everything to find Dean, but Castiel knew it won't work before they started.

Sam called Dean Hundreds of times but always went to voicemail. Searched for him everywhere in the motel. Took the car and kept driving around the whole town to see a sign of him. Nothing.

"Let's try the tracking spell. It might work this time with Dean." Sam decided hours later of pointless search.

Castiel just nodded for Sam's sake. He couldn't tell that would be pointless too.

***

Sam was going crazy.

He had a very intense sense of Déjà vu. But instead of searching for Castiel its Dean this time. 

This was too much. He couldn't handle this anymore. He had no idea what's going on and had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

While he was preparing the spell for the third time that day, he kept an eye on Castiel who was sitting on the bed completely still for the past hours, looking lost, confused, scared and depressed. As if he had no idea what to do with his life when Dean wasn't there. Like he forgot how to live without Dean.

Sam's heart broke at the look in his eyes. He was used to the strong, calm and collected Castiel. He never saw him like this before and it worried him sick.

Sam finished the spell on Dean's jacket and waited for a few seconds for it to work.

The jacked twitched for a few seconds then it bolted into the air.

Right into Castiel's face.

Sam just stood there confused as hell and a startled Castiel pulling the jacket away from him and looked at it with confusion.

Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.

He was starting to sense something but couldn't be sure.

It can't be, right? Their live was not THAT crazy. Right?

Sam looked at the clock tiredly. It was almost sunrise. He was in this hell for 24 hours now.

He looked over at Castiel again to see him hugging Dean's jacket close to his chest almost unconsciously.

That was too much.

Just when the first rays of the sun started to enter the room all hell broke loose.

Castiel, suddenly, fell from the bed hard, body trembling and recoiling violently with pain.

Like the sun rays were physically hurting him.

"Cas! Cas, hey, hey, what's happening?!" Sam screamed as he rushed to Castiel and kneeled next to him on the floor and grapping him frantically.

"Pain." Castiel groaned weakly still shivering violently.

"Where?!"

"Everywhere" Castiel folded on himself like he was trying to will the pain away. "Everywhere."

"From what, Cas?! what happened?!"

He didn't get an answer. Because Castiel started to glow gradually until it was hard for Sam to keep his eyes opened.

The bright, familiar white light filled the room again.

When Sam opened his eyes again slowly, afraid of what he was about to see, he saw his brother's wide, confused green eyes staring back at him.

That's when it all dawned on him.

He understood what was happening.

His suspicions were proved right.

This was too much.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam finished telling Dean about what he thinks happened.

Dean took it worse than what Sam expected. He expected him to deny it, to destroy the room in a fit of anger and frustration at the situation.  
But neither had happened.

He just sat there, staring at Sam with wide horrified eyes. 

"Dean?" Sam started to worry when Dean stayed silent for too long.

"So- so you think that- that we are merged in one body? I appear during the day and C- Cas appears during the night?" Dean stuttered looking on the verge of tears and holding back barley.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what happened by what I saw." Sam answered quietly looking sadly at his brother.

Dean went back to silence again for a few seconds.

"I'm never going to lay eyes on him ever again." He whispered in a broken voice, tears falling slowly from his eyes but he didn't bother to wipe them.

"Dean, no, don't say that. We will find a way. We have to go back to the bunker so we can find a way to solve this." Sam tried to calm and reassure him.

"But until then, I will never be able to even see him!" Dean exclaimed more tears falling from his eyes. "I can't even call him to just hear his voice! How can I survive that until we find a solution?! If there is a solution!"

"Dean, please calm do-"

"Don't tell me to calm down, Sam!" Dean was yelling by now. "You have no idea how I feel right now! At least you will be able to see him! To talk to him! While I can't! So, no I will not calm down!" then he stormed out and locked himself in the bathroom.

Sam's heart broke as he stared at the closed bathroom door. He could hear his brother sobbing in there and felt even more helpless.

Dean was wrong. He knows exactly what he feels. But he wished he didn't.

***

Dean slammed the bathroom door closed and locked it.

He leaned his back against the door and slid slowly down to sit on the floor, then he hugged his knees to his chest and let the tears fall again.

Why couldn't he be happy for long? Why always something happens and destroys everything?

He felt the hole in his chest that Castiel always filled came back. But it was wider now. And much worse. Before, he used to fill it with Castiel's presence or voice. But now? He couldn't have either.

He hid his face in his knees and started to sob pitifully.

This was too much for him to handle. Castiel was alive but he couldn't reach him. He would just end his misery now but that would mean killing Castiel too.

There was no way out of this pain.

***

Dean didn't come out of the bathroom all day.

Sam didn't try to talk to him again. He just let him let it all out.

He passed the time by going back to his motel room to gather his things, then went back to Dean and Castiel's room to pack their stuff too. He was planning to get them back to the bunker the moment Castiel appears. He sat on the bed with all their duffle bags and waited for Castiel.

When the sun disappeared, the familiar white light shined through the closed bathroom door.

Sam straightened and prepared himself to have the same conversation with Castiel. He knew Castiel's reaction would be worse than Dean's.

The door opened slowly revealing a completely miserable and destroyed Castiel. Which was strange since Sam didn't even tell him what's going on yet.

Castiel's eyes met Sam's. It dawned on Sam then.

Castiel figured it out on his own. His next words proved Sam right.

"Dean is inside me, isn't he?" he whispered brokenly. Sam knew it wasn't a question but he answered anyway.

"I am afraid so, Cas" Sam answered quietly. "What do you think of this? Can we fix it?"

Castiel just stared. His eyes filled with pain, despair and sorrow. 

"I am never going to see Dean ever again." 

***

Sam drove silently for hours.

Every few minutes he would look at Castiel to check on him. 

Castiel didn't say a word since he said that sentence. He thought that there was no solution to this situation but Sam was determined to find one and prove him wrong.

He was not going to let their happiness end like that.

***

Castiel was hopeless.

He knew that this situation was irreversible. Dean's body and soul fused completely with him. It was impossible to fix that. That situation never happened before in all history. So there was no hope.

Castiel kept staring out of the window silently.

He couldn't believe he was never going to see Dean again. Never going to hear his voice when he tells him he loves him or see him smile or hear him call his name or see his beautiful eyes ever again.

This was worst than death. At least in death they can follow each other. But this? They can't even be in the same room together. Castiel can't even end it all because it would mean he will end Dean too. 

There was no way out of this. 

They are forever stuck in this pain.

And he was sure one of them was going to break and end it eventually.

This was too much.

For once, he was happy. And then, this happiness was ripped away from him.

And he couldn't handle it.


	9. Chapter 9

By the time they reached the Bunker, it was almost midnight.

Castiel still didn't say a word. He just went straight to their room and stayed there for the rest of the night.

Sam watched him with sympathy. Castiel had absolutely no hope in fixing this. But Sam was determined.

He went straight to the library to begin his search. He wasn't planning to rest until he finds something.

***

Castiel sat on his and Dean's bed.

The bed felt cold and too large right now.

The whole room felt too empty. Lonely and cold.

He brought his legs closer to his body and hugged his knees.

He felt so alone, So cold right now.

He missed Dean. His presence, his warmth, his voice, his love.

He felt empty without him. 

He can't help but find this situation both fitting and ironic.

Dean only appearing in sunlight. Castiel always saw Dean as a sun. Bright, Beautiful, warm, the world needs him.

Castiel was a moon.

Constantly chasing him.

And he never regrets it.

***

"How's he?" that was the first thing Dean's asked when he saw Sam sitting in the library at sunrise.

Sam raised his tired eyes to look at his brother.

"What do you think?" Sam answered quietly rubbing his eyes to chase away the sleep.

Dean just stared at him sadly.

"How did he take it?"

"He figured it out on his own, Dean. I guess he is smarter than the both us after all."

"Yeah, he is" Dean smiled sadly but only for a second. He sat down across from Sam and buried his face in his hands. "Am I going to see him again, Sam?" he asked with a broken voice.

Sam's heart broke at how broken he sounded.

"We will find a way, Dean. I promise you will see him again."

"Did he tell you how to fix this?" Dean asked hopefully.

Sam didn't know how to answer that. He couldn't tell Dean that Castiel had absolutely no hope in seeing him again. He couldn't do that to Dean.

"Not yet. But he will figure it out." Sam lied but he was planning to make Castiel believe that.

He saw hope flicker in Dean's eyes, and it pained him a little.

He hoped he would be able to keep his promise to Dean.

***

A few hours later, Sam was still in the library trying to find anything.

Dean helped him for a few hours but then he disappeared two hours ago and didn't show up since then.

Sam got up to look for him and found him in the kitchen.

"Dean? What are you doing?" Sam asked in confusion as his eyes trailed over the several dishes Dean made and was stuffing them in the fridge.  
"I'm making food for him." He answered so matter-of-factly. Like Sam was an idiot for not figuring this out on his own. Maybe he was. "I'm sure he didn't eat anything in the past two days. so, I made him enough food for the rest of the week. Make sure he eats and drinks regularly. He won't do it unless you tell him! Also, remind him to get some rest, he always forgets that he can get tired now, don't let him stay in our room all day, talk to him, make him busy with research or anything, don't make him feel useless or weak! He hates that. And tell him not to pass out on the couch or the table, he always wakes up with a pain in his neck and back. I will not be there to massage it like always." His voice broke a little at the last sentence.

Sam's heart broke into millions of pieces.

"Just- just take care of him. For me. Please" He whispered eyes begging, broken and filled with tears.

"I will, Dean. I will." Sam promised with determination.

He was sure he can keep that one.

***

Sam must have passed out at some point, because the next thing he knows, he was sprawled out on the couch and it was sun down already.

So, Castiel was there already. And it looked like he went back to lock himself in their room.

Sam stood up and went to the kitchen. As expected he found a covered plate on the counter with a note on it in Dean's hand writing saying: 'For Cas. Give it to him, Sam'. 

Sam smiled sadly at the note.

He took the plate and went to Dean and Castiel's room, then knocked.

"Cas? Can I come in?" he thought he heard a yes coming from inside so he opened the door anyway.

The sight of Castiel broke his heart all over again.

Castiel was hunched over on the bed, hugging his knees to his chest and hiding his face in them.

"Cas?" Sam called gently, resting his hand on his shoulder. "Come on, I brought you food."

"I don't really want to eat, Sam." He heard Castiel's muffled response.

"You didn't eat anything for the past two days. Dean will kill me if you didn't eat. He made it for you."

When Castiel heard that, he raised his head and eyed the plate in Sam's hand.

"He cooked for me?" Castiel asked hopefully.

"Yeah, he spent the whole day making all your favorites. You don't want to disappoint him, do you?" 

Castiel didn't answer. He just grabbed the plate from Sam and started to eat immediately.

Sam smiled gently at that. They were both very whipped.

Sam sat on the bed facing Castiel.

"Look, Cas." He started looking straight into his eyes to make sure every word would reach him." I know you have no hope in finding a way to fix this. But Dean believes in you. He believes that you will help me figure out something. If Dean has so much hope, why can't you? At least for him. He needs you too, you know."

Castiel stopped eating and just stared at him sadly. He looked away from Sam and looked like he was in deep thought.

"Finish eating, Cas." Sam said getting up and leaving the room.

Ten minutes later, Sam was back in the library when Castiel appeared in the doorway looking determined.

"Where do we start?"


	10. Chapter 10

They spent the whole night in the library.

They found many theories and Myths but nothing real and accurate.

Castiel was starting to lose hope again, but Sam's words from earlier made him shook the feeling away.

He will not disappoint Dean.

He saw Sam nodding off a few times, so he took pity on him.

"Sam, please go get some rest." He said gently. "I will stay here to continue while you go eat something and get some rest."

Sam didn't argue. He just nodded tiredly and stood up. He clapped Castiel's shoulder encouragingly on his way out.

Castiel stayed in the library for the rest of the night. He felt his eyes drop many times but he resisted.

At 3 am, he was finished yet another huge old book and added it to the large pile of books in front of him on the table.

He stood up to get another book. He knew he should get some rest, and If Dean saw him like this he would strangle him for not taking care of himself.

His heart ached when he thought about Dean. This was hard. Just three days of separation and Castiel still couldn't handle it. He suspected that he will never handle it.

He sighed sadly while grabbing another book from a shelf.

That's when he saw a small notebook on one of the shelves.

He grabbed it and searched through it curiously.

It was empty.

He looked at it for a few seconds then an idea hit him.

He stuffed the notebook in his pocket with a pen, then went back to get another book to search through it.

***

A few minutes before sunrise, Castiel went back to their room.

He sat on the bed, then opened the notebook to the first page.

He checked the clock. Two minutes left.

He scrawled down his message, then hugged the notebook to his chest when he felt the pain of the transformation start.

***

Dean opened his eyes to find himself in his and Castiel's room.

He sat up slowly, then he felt something in his hand.

He looked down curiously at the notebook and opened it.

When he saw the familiar, elegant hand writing in the first page his heart pounded and sat straighter.

' _Hello, Dean :)_.'

Dean smiled widely at the cute message and familiar greeting. His heart swelling with joy.

He frantically grabbed the pen and wrote his answer.

***

Castiel opened his eyes and felt the notebook in his hand.

He opened it eagerly and smiled when he saw that Dean responded.

' _Hey, Cas. <3 I miss you_.'

Castiel's heart ached. He scrawled his response.

' _I miss you too, Dean_ '

***

_'Did you eat something?'_

_'Yes, Dean. Thank you for cooking for me.'_

_'Don't thank me, you idiot. Just eat when you're supposed to.'_

_'Yes, Dean. How are you doing?'_

_'What do you think? I am not handling this well.'_

_'Me neither. I feel so empty and lost without you.'_

_'I know. Me too. But we will figure this out. We always do.'_

_'I know. But how long it will take?'_

_'I don't know, Cas. but don't give up. Just don't.'_

_'I won't, Dean. I can't.'_

_'How is Sam when I am not around?'_

_'Tired. All the time. I always tell him to get some rest, And eat something. He does the same to me.'_

_'Glad you guys are taking care of each other. After all, you only got each other when I am not around.'_

_'Still wish you are here.'_

_'Me too. Did you guys find anything? We spent the whole day searching but nothing yet.'_

_'No, not yet. But we will. I never get out of the library until the last minute.'_

_'Wait, you should rest, Cas! you going to tire yourself to death!'_

_'I will not rest until we solve this.'_

_'You will collapse, Cas. Please just take care of yourself. I want you to be alive when I see you.'_

_'I will try, Dean.'_

***

Dean stared at the now filled notebook sadly.

It has been thirty three days, sixteen hours and twenty three minutes since he last saw his husband. Since he last saw his smile. Since he last touched him. Since he last heard his voice.

They spent all these days researching and always came up with nothing.

He didn't know what to do anymore. He couldn't lose hope. He promised Castiel that he wouldn't but he couldn't help to feel that he really wasn't going to see his husband again.

Dean's eyes rested on the picture frame on his night stand.

It was a picture of them on their wedding. They were both wearing their FBI suits. Dean's arms were around Castiel's waist. Neither one of them were looking at the camera, they were staring at each other with eyes filled with love and joy.

Dean held the picture frame in his hands. He trailed his finger on Castiel's face, tears slowly falling from his eyes.

He was beginning to forget his smile and how he smelt. The way his eyes light up when they land on him.

He was beginning to forget how to be happy.

He hid his face in Castiel's trench coat that took residence on Castiel's side of the bed in the first week.

It still faintly smells like him.

But for how long?

He sobbed into the coat pitifully.

He couldn't do this anymore.

He couldn't live like this anymore.

***

Castiel stared at the empty page in the notebook sadly.

Dean didn't write for him today.

Dean lost his hope.

He let his tears fall freely from his eyes while he wrote in the notebook anyway not knowing if Dean was going to open it or not.

_'I love you, Dean.'_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  


	11. Chapter 11

Dean sighed sadly when he saw Castiel's message.

He felt guilty for not writing to Castiel yesterday. He just had no idea what to say anymore.

He didn't want written words. He wanted to hear his voice, to see his face.

That's when it hit him.

He frantically wrote his response then grabbed his phone.

***

Sam didn't know what to do anymore.

He felt like a failure. He failed Dean and Castiel. He promised he will figure this out but he couldn't.

He needs help.

Every day, he would watch his brother drink himself to oblivion. He hardly saw Dean without a bottle in his hands anymore.  He was losing weight, hardly ate anymore. Spent the whole day staring at Castiel's pictures on his phone while drinking.

Dean was killing himself slowly.

He suspected that Castiel didn't know that.

Sam knew about the notebook. He sees it on the nightstand when he brought food to Castiel in their room.

He was pretty sure Dean didn't tell Castiel how destroyed he was, and what he was doing to himself.

Castiel was another case.

He never rest or sleep. He spent the whole night in the library, hunched over the giant books. He only eats when Sam practically shoves the food in his mouth. Same goes with drinking water. Castiel now has dark circles around his eyes, also lost so much weight and could barely stand or walk anymore with how tired and exhausted he was.

Sam was watching his family die slowly and he couldn't do anything to help them.

Sam seriously needs more help.

He will have to take drastic choices.

And he hated that.

***

Castiel opened his eyes and sat up slowly. His eyes landed at the closed notebook. He was afraid to open it. He won't handle it if he didn't find a response.

He gathered his courage and opened it slowly.

_'Check out your phone.'_

Okay, that wasn't what he expected. Castiel frowned in confusion but he grabbed his phone anyway. When he unlocked it he found that there was a new video sent to it.

When opened it, his heart pounded so fast with longing, love and sadness.

Dean's tired face stared back at him and was smiling sadly.

_'Hey Cas, sorry I didn't write to you yesterday. I-I was having a little hard time. I love you too, Cas. so damn much. I miss you so much its killing me. I don't know what to do anymore. Please, Cas, I need to see your face. I need to hear your voice so bad. Please.'_

Dean's face now wet with tears disappeared when the video finished.

Castiel let his own tears fall at how broken and tired Dean's voice was.

Dean wasn't well. Castiel knew from how unfocused his eyes was that Dean was using drinking as his coping mechanism all over again. He wasn't eating either with how thin his face looked.

Dean was suffering. And he couldn't even be there for him.

He looked down at his phone and started to record his own video.

***

The first thing Dean did when he woke up was to reach for his phone frantically.

He saw the sent video and his heart pounded so fast.

_'Hello, Dean.' Dean's heart exploded with so many emotions when he heard the familiar greeting in the voice he ached to hear for so long. 'I miss you too so much it hurts. I found out that I can't really live without you anymore, Dean. Please, take care of yourself, stop whatever you are doing to yourself. If- if you did I promise to do the same, but please, I need you to be fine when I see you again. I love you, Dean. See you soon."_

Dean repeated the video once, twice and three times more. He took in Castiel's exhausted face, the dark circles around his eyes, how thin he looked. It was too much to handle.

They were both suffering. This situation was killing them more each day.

He reached for the bottle he hid under the bed so Castiel won't find it but paused before opening it.

Cas asked him to stop. To take care of himself.

He stared at the bottle for a few seconds, then put it aside and reached for the phone instead.

***

Sam was looking at his laptop when Dean entered the library with two plates of food in his hands.

"Here. Eat." He ordered placing a plate in front of him. Then, sat down with the other one.

Sam just looked at him strangely.

"So, you finally decided to leave the bottle and eat something for a change?" Sam remarked smirking tiredly at him.

Dean just chew on his food for a few seconds then answered.

"Cas asked me to take care of myself and he will do the same." He murmured softly.

Sam's smirk turned into a soft smile. "Good. You guys were killing me with worry."

Dean raised his eyes to him slowly.

"Is there hope, Sam?" he asked sadly.

"I don't know, Dean" Sam sighed. "But what I do know is that we need more help."

"From who?"

"You are not going to like it."

 

 

  

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

"No."

"Dean, just think about it for a second."

"I thought about it and my answer is no."

"We don't have any other choice."

"That's not a choice that's insane."

"Do you have any other solution?"

"We are not asking for their help, Sam!"

"They helped us before."

"For their own benefit! They are not going to help us right now for the goodness of their heart!"

"It won't hurt anyone if we tried."

"It will hurt my pride!"

"So, you have two options: live with a hurt pride but with your husband or live with a satisfied pride but never seeing your husband. Which will you take?"

A moment of silence.

"Fine! We will do it. But Cas is not going to like this!"

"I will deal with him."

"But are you sure they really might find a way?"

"We are about to find out."

***

At 8 am, Crowley met the Winchesters outside of the Bunker.

"Hello, Boys." He greeted smiling smugly. "It's been awhile.

"We need your help, Crowley." Sam stated tiredly.

Crowley stopped his smug retort, and really looked at them.

They looked.. tired. More than usual anyway.

Dean looked thinner, while Sam looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulder.

"You look horrible." He stated bluntly. Then, looked around curiously and noticed the absence of a very vital being. "Where's feathers?"

That was ,apparently, the wrong thing to say. The reaction was immediate, Dean looked away and seemed like he was fighting tears, while Sam glared at him like he said an inappropriate thing.

"That's kind of why we called you." Sam sighed sadly.

Sam told him the whole thing and he listened with amusement and little care.

After he was finished, they both looked at him expectantly.

"Well, that was sad." He scoffed uncaring. "But I failed to see what that has got to do with me?"

"We need your help in fixing this." Sam said seeming discouraged at his cold reaction.

"Why would I help you? what's in it for me? Why should I care if squirrel was united with his pet angel or not?" he turned his eyes towards Dean who remained unusually silent and smirked at him.  " Honestly? If I were you I would have taken full advantage of the situation and banged whoever I wanted, he will never know anyway. He will think you were still sitting there pinning and crying for him." He laughed cruelly expecting to get a rise out of Dean.

He didn't.

Dean just remained quiet, staring at him coldly, there was absolutely no emotion on his face. Only in his eyes, he saw sadness, longing, despair and pain. The look in his eyes shook him somehow. It was worst than if Dean shouted angrily at him or cursed him. The look in his eyes was much, much worse.

He was really hurting.

Crowley was still looking at Dean with confusion and shock when Dean turned to his brother.

"He is useless. Let's just leave." He murmured quietly, then turned around without any other word and went back to the bunker.

Crowley followed him with his gaze eyes wide with shock and confusion.

Dean Winchester was broken.

He looked back at Sam, who was also staring at his brother as he walked away, shoulders hunched down with defeat.

"How long has this been going?" he asked curiously.

Sam looked at him with confusion. "More than a month now."

"That's.. really affecting him."

"Of course it does. What did you think?"

He thought for a little while. The apocalypse hadn't affected them like that. In all the years he knew the Winchesters he never saw the look of utter defeat in their eyes like he saw it now.

It touched something inside of him that he would rather not acknowledge.

"What do you need?" he sighed with defeat looking back at the giant defeated human in front of him.

Sam's eyes widened with surprise. "Really? You are going to help?"

"What can I say? I have a big heart and I am a sucker for happy endings." He grinned smugly at him.

Sam just stared for a few seconds.

"Thank you." he murmured quietly.

Bloody hell, they were really broken!

"What do you need?" he repeated gruffly to hide what he feels.

"We are going to need Rowena's help too."

"Bloody hell. I was afraid you were going to say that."

***

Rowena was not amused when she suddenly found herself in front of the bunker because of her son.

"You could have warned me before zapping me here so rudely!" she hissed at him.

Crowley ignored her and turned his gaze towards the giant moose.

"You deal with her."

Sam turned his defeated puppy dog eyes towards her.

"We need your help."

***

"That was so touching and sad. Well, I am getting out of here." She scoffed after Sam finished explaining and turned around to leave only to be grabbed by Crowley.

"Please, you're the only one who can really figure out something." The pleading, defeated note in his voice made her pause.

"Are you actually begging me?" she asked half mockingly, half surprised. "I never thought you are capable of that."

Sam sighed in defeat. "Yes, Rowena, I am begging you."

Her eyes widened with real surprise.

"You must be desperate."

"My family is dying in front of me every day! And I can't help them! Of course I am desperate!" Sam suddenly shouted in frustration.

   Rowena was taken aback by his sudden outburst.

  "Dying? What do you mean?" she asked in confusion.

"Follow me." Sam sighed more calmly and went back to the bunker, Crowley and Rowena following close behind.

They watched Dean sitting at the map table, face in his hands and sobbing quietly to himself. Castiel's trench coat in his lap, like he was taking comfort in it and the framed picture in front of him as if he was trying memorize Castiel's face all over again.

 It was downright heartbreaking sight.

Even for Rowena.

She stood there watching him with wide eyes.

It was hard to see a usually tough, gruff and strong man turned into this miserable mess.

In touched a chord in her long dead heart.

But she will never admit that.

She turned to Sam about to tell him Fuck off again but the look in his eyes stopped her.

He was staring at his brother with so much pain and ache in his eyes it was painful to look at.

She could see that even Crowley was affected.

Rowena made her decision.

"How can I help?"  

  

 

  

   

 


	13. Chapter 13

Dean sat at the table in the library blinking with confusion and awe at the scene in front of him.

Rowena was searching through all her personal magic books for a way with Crowley and Sam's help.

He couldn't believe what was going on. The Crowley and Rowena would willingly help them without any catch.

It was hard to believe.

"So, any luck?" Dean asked after hours of just watching.

"We might have something." Sam answered a little hesitantly.

Dean sat up straighter. "What? What did you found?"

"It is just a theory." Sam pointed out. "We might need Castiel's opinion on it. He is the one that can say if it might work or not."

"We actually found four theories." Rowena interjected.

"Four?!" Dean stared at her with shock.

"Don't look so surprised, you should know how capable I am by now." She rolled his eyes at him. "Anyway, the first one is about the Soulmate's old myth. Do you know anything about?"

Dean just shook his head.

"Naturally," she snorted." It was said that humans actually had four legs, four arms and two faces but only one soul. Fearing their powers, Zeus split them into two separate parts with his spear, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves."

"So what you are trying to say is if we got that spear it can split us?"

"If that spear exists in the first place. We can't know for sure. Only the angel can tell us if that could work."

"Okay, that theory number one. What are the others?"

"The split of Eve from Adam." Crowley stated. "Of course we also don't know how that happened either."

"So you need Cas." Dean finished for him. "Theory number three?"

"The Egyptian books of the Dead." Sam reported. "It has extremely old spells and magic that can split the soul and bring back the dead."

"And the last one?"

"The Pasha itself. If it can merge you, then it might be able to split you."

Dean slowly tried to take all of this in.

So there might be actually hope.

***

A few hours later Sam was still in the library with Crowley and Rowena.

"Where did your brother go?" Crowley asked curiously.

"It's almost time of the transformation, so he went to their room to talk to Cas." Sam answered without looking up.

"To do what?!" Crowley's eyes widened with surprise. "I thought they can't see each other!"

"They can't. they leave notes and videos to each other everyday before the transformation. It’s the only way they contact to each other." Sam smiled sadly at that.

"That's kind of sweet. Didn't know squirrel is even capable of that." Crowley smirked.

"Believe me neither did I"

***

_'Hey Cas, I miss you. I need to warn you. you are not going to like what you will see in the library. But please try not to kill anyone. Believe or not, they're actually trying to help. By the way, it was all Sam's idea, I had nothing to do with it! I love you. See you soon.'_

Dean's face disappeared and Castiel frowned in confusion.

What was Dean talking about?

***

Crowley was focusing on a book he found in the library when he heard an angry growl.

They all raised their eyes to see a very tired, very angry Castiel standing at the doorway.

He looked terrible!

He was paler than usual, dark circles around his eyes and thinner than he remembered. With, of course, the same look Dean had in his eyes but anger added to it. Also, he seemed like he was barely able to stand on his own.

"What are they doing here?" he growled angrily. Crowley was amused at the fact that the angel was still able to look threatening in his weakened state.

Sam ,immediately, was on his feet. Apparently, also noticing the angel's threatening pose.

"Cas! can I talk to you for a second?" Sam hurried towards him and led outside the room.

Castiel's glare kept pointed at him until he was pulled outside.

"Still not your fan?" Rowena smirked at him.

"Well, he is not your fan either, mommy." He retorted going back to the book in his hands.

***

"What were you thinking, Sam?" Castiel hissed at him angrily.

"I didn't have any other choice! We need help and they are the best help we could get!" Sam paused for a second. "Wait, how did you know it was my idea?"

Castiel just raised an eyebrow at him.

"Right. Dean told you so he won't be blamed. Naturally." Sam rolled his eyes.

"How can we trust them, Sam? Do you really believe that they are doing this out of the goodness of their hearts? I didn't know they even had hearts!"

"I know alright! But what choice do we have? Do you want to see Dean again or not?"

Castiel glared at him for a few more seconds.

"If they double crossed us, I will rip their hearts out." He warned and Sam knew he meant it.

"If they double crossed us, I will personally tie them down so you can do exactly that, alright?"

Castiel seemed satisfied enough with this.

"Now, can you please go back there without looking like a serial killer?"

Castiel grumbled a little under his breath but nodded anyway.

They went back to the library.

"Hello there, feathers! You look terrible." Crowley smirked at Castiel.

Castiel looked at him coldly. "Hello Crowley. It is terrible to see you again."

"That hurts my feelings." Crowley touched his chest dramatically. "After all, I am here to reunite you with your boy toy."

"Like I am going to believe that." Castiel snorted as he sat down at the table.

"Are you two finished bantering like five year olds or not?" Rowena glared at them. "Can we get to business already?"

Castiel and Crowley grumbled under their breaths.

"We are not bantering. We are besties. Right, Cas?" Crowley smirked over at Castiel. "And we are going to spend so much time together this coming days. we're going to have fun!"

"Yay." Castiel answered coldly.

Sam shook his head. This is going to be hard. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

Castiel sat there and thought about the four theories they told him about.

They all stared at him expectedly waiting for his opinion.

"Alright, let's think about each one respectively." He stated quietly, like he was thinking out loud. "The one about the soulmates and Zeus' spear: though it is convincing but it is not guaranteed that it will work in our situation since Dean and I don't share one soul, so it might backfire if we actually went along with that."

"That's what I thought too." Sam claimed proudly.

"And the split of Adam and Eve: it wasn't done by a spell or a ritual. It was done by God's will. So, only God can do it and that's out of the question right now."

They all murmured their agreement.

"The book of the dead can indeed help. But it was lost a long time ago and there is no way of finding it anytime soon."

"Great, that only leave us with one theory, is it going to work or are we back to square one all over again?" Sam asked in frustration.

"Well, we are merged because of the Pasha. Its energy caused the explosion that made us one. So, maybe it can split us if we used it the right way."

"But you said it caused the explosion, so it might be destroyed." Crowley stated grimly.

"Not necessarily. It is a strong weapon and not that easily destroyed. The question is: if we did found it, how are we going to use it right without destroying one of us?"

"I can try to find out. It is a magical weapon and that's my specialty." Rowena announced proudly.

"That's great! Now we only need to find it!" Sam beamed excitedly, but then frowned. "And that would mean finding Metatron first."

"I am afraid so." Castiel scowled at the mention of that bastard who putted them in this situation in the first place.

"He is human, right? How are we going to find him?" Crowley asked.

"Well, Cas has his grace so we might use it to track him, right?" Sam looked at him.

Castiel hesitated for a few seconds.

"We.. Can't." he muttered grimly. "I might have destroyed it. So he won't be able to ever get it again."

"Great." Sam sighed tiredly. "How are we going to find him now?"

"He doesn't know his grace is destroyed. So, he will show up again soon to demand Castiel to give it back to him."

"So we will just sit here and wait for him to show up?" Castiel raised an eyebrow at Crowley.

"Do you have any other ideas?"

"That Pasha thing generates energy, right?" Rowena asked curiously.

"Well, yeah."

"We can track it somehow then."

"Maybe. But only if he used it again. Only then it will generates enough energy to track it easily." Sam explained. "But until then, we can try tracking the energy it generates when it is not used. It will be harder but better than just sitting like that."

***

Castiel retreated to his and Dean's room fifteen minutes before the sunrise.

But this time? he actually feels hope for the first time in a long while.

And he suspected it showed on his face when he recorded today's video for Dean.

***

_'Hello, Dean. I miss you too. I almost killed Crowley and Rowena today, but Sam held me back. I am still not happy about them being here nor do I trust them. But I guess they do want to help. We might have found a way to fix this. There is hope I might see you again, Dean! I love you so much. See you soon.'_

Dean's heart was pounding so fast.

There was something different on Castiel's face this time. There was hope. And some relief too. He couldn't believe it! He really might see Castiel again! And soon hopefully.

He sprinted out of the room to go to the library to see what solution they had found.

When he heard from his brother about their findings he also felt a glimmer of hope in his heart.

"That's great! We only need to find that douche with the weapon and everything will be fine again!"

"It's not that simple, Dean. It's not easy to find Metatron since he is human now. And even if we did, we still need to figure out how to use the Pasha so it doesn't do any more damage if we used it wrong."

"It's better than not having any hope at all, right? So I will take it."

Sam had to agree with that.

Hours later, Sam was trying to track the Pasha's energy, while Rowena and Crowley were searching in every book they had about the weapon.

Dean was in the kitchen cooking that week's food for Castiel.

Even though he believed that they will see each other before this week is done, he still cooked.

Maybe they will eat it together. He thought to himself smiling gently.

After a while, he realized he was short on some ingredients and supplies.

So a grocery run was needed.

He grabbed his keys and wallet, then went to the library to tell Sam where he was going and tell Crowley to shut it when he teased him.

Then he was out of the door.

He drove to the grocery store and spent almost an hour to get everything he needed and got a few more things that he knew Castiel will appreciate.

He was loading his purchases in his car when he felt someone hit him harshly at the back of his head.

His head swam violently and before he could register what was going on, he was hit yet again harder.

He fell to the ground hard.

He opened his eyes painfully to see a smarmy face staring angrily at him.

Then everything went dark.        

   

 


	15. Chapter 15

"Why are you guys helping us?" Sam asked curiously looking at Crowley and Rowena.

They both froze and looked at him for a few seconds. Like they were both trying to find an answer for him.

"I am helping because it's better than watching your brother and feathers moping for the rest of my life. That will get old quickly." Crowley answered smugly.

"Same reason." Rowena muttered under her breath, her gaze went back to the book in front of her.

"Yeah, right." Sam snorted while rolling his eyes. "You are saying that to hide the fact that you actually have hearts."

They both glared at him.

"I am not!"

"How dare you say that!"

They exclaimed in unison.

Sam chuckled at their frustrated faces then looked at them thoughtfully. "Thank you. for helping us."

"Whatever." Crowley scoffed while Rowena rolled her eyes.

Sam laughed then stopped when he looked at the clock.

"Dean was gone for four hours. Where the hell did he go?" he pulled out his phone and called his brother.

It went to voicemail.

He tried again and again but nothing.

His heart sank. Something was wrong.

***

Dean started to wake up slowly.

He groaned in pain. His head was killing him. When he tried to move his hands he realized that he couldn't.

He was tied down in a chair.

He opened his eyes slowly, hissing in pain from his head.

He was in an abandoned warehouse. Or that what he thinks. And of course he had no idea where he was and who brought him here.

He found the answer of the second question when someone entered the room.

"Metatron!" he spat angrily. "What the hell do you want from me?! How dare you to show your face after what you did?!"

"Calm down, douchebag. I am not going to hurt you." Metatron smirked smugly at him. "You are just a bait."

"A bait? What do you mean?"

"You are not the sharpest knife in the set, are you? you are here to get Castiel of course."

Dean's heart stopped. So, Metadouche didn't know what happened.

"Why? What are you going to do to him?" Dean asked shakily already knowing the answer.

"I will ask him nicely again to give me my grace back. And if he didn't.. well" he pulled out the Pasha from a bag on the floor. "You won't be able to interrupt us this time."

Dean's heart was pounding so fast. This was bad. Very bad. Who knew what would happen if Metatron used that thing on Castiel this time. what would happen to them then?

"He won't come." Dean tried to find a way out this.

"Of course he will. He will do anything to save his precious little human."

"Why do you want to use that on him? He won't be able to get your grace then."

"Then, I will give him a choice. If he didn't give me my grace back, I will suck your worthless soul out of your body. I can tell that he will do as I say then."

***

Sam was pacing in the room face filled with worry.

Crowley appeared in the room not looking happy.

"Did you find him?" Sam asked frantically.

"No, but I found his car. I didn't find any trace of him." Crowley responded grimly.

"This is bad. This is very, very bad. How are we going to find him? Whoever took him must have hid him well." Sam kept pacing around the room not knowing what to do.

"Will you calm down? We need to think calmly and you pacing like that is making me nervous!"

"Okay, okay." Sam sat down on a chair. "I am calm."

***

A few hours had passed and Metatron was getting angry.

"What is taking him so long?!" he shouted angrily.

"I told you he is not coming. So just let me go already." Dean said tiredly while nervously looking at the window.

Fifteen minutes till sundown, this is bad. Very bad. Castiel shouldn't appear now! He will be bounded and completely at Metatron's mercy. Dean needs to get out of here. And fast.

"Why? Did he finally realize how worthless you are?! He took away my grace to save you! always to save you! I wish he realize how worthless you are! You are nothing! Did you hear me?! Nothing!" Metatron shouted at Dean's face grabbing him from his hair harshly.

Dean felt the first pains of the transformation hit his body. No! No, no,no! Cas!

The pain increased and he started to scream.

Metatron was taken aback by his sudden screams of pain and took a few steps back and stared at him with confusion.

Dean started to glow.

Then he was gone.

***

Castiel opened his eyes, expecting to see his and Dean's room. But instead he was bound in a chair in a warehouse with a shocked and terrified Metatron in front of him.

Then it hit Castiel.

Metatron brought Dean here. Metatron kidnapped Dean. Metatron HURT Dean!

Castiel screamed in anger while he dislocated the chair's arms rests and setting himself free.

He grabbed the still shocked Metatron and slammed him harshly to the wall.

"You dared to touch a hair on his head! You dared to hurt him! You are dead! I am going to rip your heart out! And make you watch it beat in my hands before you die!" Castiel thundered voice shaking the walls of the warehouse.

"W-wait! Wait! I can help you! I can h-help you with this! I know how to split you!"

 

 

   

 

   

 


	16. Chapter 16

Castiel stared coldly at the shaking ex-angel in front of him.

"Help us how?" he demanded. "That's never happened before so you can't possibly have a knowledge about fixing it."

"T-that happened because of the Pasha right?" he stammered gesturing to the weapon that was now on the floor and out of Metatron's reach. "I can handle The Pasha pretty well. I can use it to separate you!"

Castiel regarded him for a few seconds. "And letting you go as thank you, is that right?"

"Obviously." He shrugged smirking smugly. Thinking he had got him.

Castiel thought for a few seconds. He remembered Metatron stealing his grace. He remembered him casting the angels out of their home. He remembered him causing a war between the angels.

And worst of all, he remembered him killing Dean. Remembered Dean's dead bloody face. Remembered Sam's cries while holding his dead brother in his arms. Remembered Dean turning into a demon.

Remembered the numerous times Metatron double-crossed him, hurt him, destroy him.

He made his choice.

He looked at Metatron's smug face. His eyes shining with anger.

"No."

***

"I found Castiel." Sam grinned in victory and relief.

"How?" Rowena looked at him with confusion.

"it was hopeless to find Dean. But Castiel is another thing. I suspected that Dean's kidnapper had no idea about his and Castiel's situation. So at the sunset they found an angry angel in front of them. And the good thing is? When Castiel is angry he generates enough energy to track. So I have been waiting for hours for Castiel's wrath at Dean's abduction. So, now I know where he is." Sam explained proudly already gathering his things to head there.

"That was.. genius." Crowley complimented eyes wide with awe and surprise.

"No time for that. We need to head there ASAP."

***

"What do you mean 'No'? don't you want to see that human again?!" Metatron exclaimed eyes wide with shock.

"'that human' called Dean!" Castiel thundered angrily. "Yes, of course I want to see him again. But not because of you. I will not owe you. I want nothing from you."

"You are an idiot! I am the only one who can help you!"

"You said the same thing about the Mark of Cain when we came to you for help. You didn't know anything! We saved Dean without your help. You were useless to me then and still useless now. We will manage without your 'help'"

"T-then what are you going to do to me? Spare me? Like the good person you are?"

Castiel grabbed him by the throat and slammed his head at the wall again. Metatron groaned in pain.

"Why did you take Dean?" Castiel growled into his face.

"I-I" Metatron stammered, shaking with fear.

"Why did you take Dean?!" Castiel repeated his voice shaking the warehouse again. "Answer me!"

"To- to bring you h-here."

"So you were planning to use Dean against me. to demand your grace or you were going to hurt him, is that so?"

Metatron was shaking even more now. "I-I needed to do a-anything to get my grace."

"Well, news flash! Your grace is in the bottom of the pacific ocean right now!"

The ex-angel's eyes widened with horror at that. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not. And you know it." Castiel then grabbed him and threw across the room. He hit the wall violently and fell to the floor. Castiel walked towards him in a predatory way, eyes glowing with rage. "Every time. I spared your life. Always being the good person. Always being the kind one. And you always come and hurt me some way."

He grabbed Metatron's arm and twisted painfully until it broke. The ex-angel screamed with agony.

"M-mercy!"

"No! not this time! you dared to hurt the man I love again! You dared to hurt a hair in his head! I am done being the good person here! You are going to pay for everything you did!"

He grabbed his other arm and did the same.

"Because of you I didn't see my husband for more than a month. I am going to make you pay for that!"

He broke Metatron's right leg.

The ex-angel was writhing with agony on the ground.

"Dean cried everyday in the past month because of you. I am going to make you pay for every single tear that fill from his eyes."

He broke his left leg.

"Please. E-enough. I-I will never c-come n-near e-either of you e-ever a-again. B-but please. Enough."

Castiel grabbed him by the throat and raised him in the air with one hand.

"I will make sure of that." He growled, eyes glowing viscously.

***

Sam and Crowley stormed into the warehouse and stared with wide eyes at the scene in front of them.

Castiel was standing over Metatron's dead body his left arm was covered in blood and his hand was what must be the dead ex-angel's heart.

Castiel had literally ripped Metatron's heart for hurting Dean.

"Bloody hell." Crowley shivered a little with fear. "Remind me to never even look at squirrel in the eye ever again. That angel is not joking."

Sam chuckled nervously also a little shaken. Never anger Castiel. Ever.

Castiel looked over at them. Then smiled gently at Sam.

"Hello, Sam. What took you so long?"

It was weird to see Castiel smiling sweetly like that with a bleeding heart in his hand.

Dean would have been really turned on right now. If only he could see this.

Crowley must have been thinking the same thing. because he pulled out his phone and took a picture of Castiel.

"Send that to Dean's phone."

"Already doing it."

 

   

 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

They drove back to the bunker with the Impala, because Dean would kill Sam if he left at the grocery store where he was taken.

It was a quiet drive, but it was downright hilarious to Sam.

Crowley was sitting in the backseat, staring at Castiel with wide eyes. Like he was expecting the angel to attack him any second.

Meanwhile, Castiel who was in the passenger seat was aware of Crowley's frightened stares and took fully advantage of that.

Everytime Castiel's eyes met Crowley's he would let his eyes glow for a second with a smitey look and Crowley then would jump. Every.Single.Time.

It was hilarious. It was the first time in the past month that he laughed like that.

"So, you weren't tempted at all for just one second when Metatron made you his offer?" Sam eventually asked Castiel looking over at him.

"No, not after everything he had done." Then his eyes darkened with anger. "No one that hurts Dean will see the light of day."

Sam felt a cold shiver ran down his spine at Castiel's dark tone, and he could see Crowley shiver a little too.

Good thing Dean was his brother or he would be in Castiel's dark list if he ever fought with Dean over anything.

"Didn't know you were that possessive and overprotective." Crowley muttered under his breath.

Castiel looked over at him. "Do you have any objections?" he wondered with the same dark voice.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Satisfied with the response, Castiel went back to cleaning the blood from his hands.

Castiel could be really scary sometimes.

In those moments, Sam could almost forget that this vengeful, possessive angel sometimes turns into baker who bakes pies for his pie lover husband, spent most of his day watching historical programs to point out the inaccurate things they say and cries every time he watches City Of Angels.

Sam couldn't help but find that mix really endearing and absolutely Dean's type. The whole Badass slash adorable angel package is perfect for Dean.

They finally reached the bunker.

When they entered the library they found Rowena still in there, studying every single thing that was ever written about The Pasha.

She raised her eyes towards them when they entered the room.

"So, it was really Metatron who took him?" she inquired. They nodded. "What did you do to him? And did you bring it?"

"Feathers ripped out his heart. Literally. And yes, we did." Crowley answered and gestured towards The Pasha that Castiel was covering with his jacket.

Castiel unfolded his jacket on a table to reveal the bright blue rope like weapon.

"Did you learn how to use it?" Castiel asked looking at her expectedly.

Rowena shook her head to clear from the shock about the whole ripping Metatron's heart out and looked at Castiel.

"I think so. I figured out how to probably use it, and what is needed. But just one problem."

"What is it?"

"I am supposed to use it to pull the body and soul of the one not in control. And that is going to hurt like hell to the one in control. Because I am literally ripping him apart and splitting him in two parts."

They all looked at her silently. Hearts dropping at that.

"And the one not in control?" Castiel inquired frowning in concentration.

"They will also feel the pain. But since they will be blacked out at that moment physically their pain would be much less. As for the one in control? Not so much. They will pretty much bear the pain of the two of them. And they might not even make it"

Castiel looked like he was in deep thought.

And Sam knew exactly what he was going to say next.

"I will be the one in control." Castiel announced without hesitation. "And you are not telling Dean about this. I am looking at you Sam." He pointed at Sam warningly. "You are NOT telling Dean about this!"

"I think he deserves to know, Cas! he deserves to have a vote at least!" Sam argued.

"I already know what Dean would say if he knew. He would insist to it being done in his control. I will not stand for that."

Sam regarded him for a few seconds sadly.

"And if you didn't make it?" he murmured sadly.

"I will. And if I didn't at least Dean would be fine."

"No, Cas! he will not be fine! And you know it! And if he found out the fact that I hid from him that I knew this might happen he will never forgive me!"

"Sam!" Castiel bellowed angrily silencing Sam. "I made my choice. I will be the one in control. I will handle the pain. And if I didn't, you will take care of your brother and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Are we clear, Sam?"

Sam just stared at Castiel for a few seconds. He knew that if he argued with Castiel till morning he will never be able to make him change his mind. The angel was stubborn. And he will never allow Dean go throw that pain. Even if it kills him.

And Sam was afraid of the possibility of it happening.

His brother would never survive Castiel's death. Neither would Castiel.

So Sam had no other choice.

"Yes, Cas. we are clear."

Castiel nodded.

"We will do it tomorrow night."

  

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

Thirty minutes before sunrise, Castiel was in his and Dean's room.

He was recording what was hopefully their last video.

_'Hello, Dean. I have great news. Finally we will see each other, Dean! But there are some small risks. Just remember, Dean. I love you. with all my heart. And no matter what will happen. I will always come back to you. never doubt that. I will see you soon.'_

Castiel finished recording when someone knocked at his door.

"Come in, Sam." He called.

Sam opened the door then moved to set in front of him on the bed.

"I need you to promise me something." Sam said determinedly looking directly into his eyes.

"Of course." Castiel answered sincerely.

"You must promise that you will handle the separation. Please, Cas. don't let Dean sees you dead beside him after hoping for month and a half to see you. he won't handle it, Cas! I will then lose both of you!" Sam's distressed voice pulled painfully at his heart.

He knew that every word that Sam said was true. That that was exactly what would happen. It pained him too. He was afraid that even if the separation succeeded he won't have time to look at his husband's face. Even for the last time.

He couldn't let that happen. He won't cause Dean that pain. He won't lose him again. He deserves to be happy. Both of them deserve it.

He looked back at Sam's desperate eyes.

"I promise I will do my best, Sam." He promised eyes shining with determination.

Sam nodded believing he would keep his word no matter what.

They stayed in a comfortable silence for a few seconds. Each absorbing the events of the past month and a half.

"Hey, Cas?" Castiel looked up at him expectantly. "I have to ask, I know it has been a while but I wasn't focused on anything but saving you and Dean…."

Castiel looks confused. "What is it, Sam?"

"When you and Dean merged together, did The Pasha merge your clothes too? Cause I gotta say man, that's been bugging me for a while now."

"Really, Sam?" Castiel rolled his eyes but an amused smile was tugging at his lips.

"I had to ask!" Sam defended himself but was chuckling too.

"I thought you were a nerd and figured it out." Castiel teased smirking playfully. "Anyway you could say that when we merged we did with our clothes on so I guess whoever was in control we appear with the clothes that we wore when we merged." Then his smirk widened. "Feel lucky that we didn't merge naked."

"Nope. Na da. Don't put that thought into my head." Sam shook his head violently like he was trying to get rid of the images in his head.

Castiel laughed but then start to feel the first pains of the transformation.

"Remember Sam. Don't tell him anything. And try and make him watch the video I left him before his transformation."

Sam nodded looking sadly at him. Like he was afraid it will be the last time he will see him.

Castiel smiled sadly at him. "See you soon, Sam"

***

Dean opened his eyes to see Sam staring at him.

"W-what happened to Metatron?" he asked disoriented and confused.

"What do you think?" Sam said smirking a little.

"Did he hurt Cas?" he asked panicked.

"Check your phone and look at the picture Crowley sent you." Sam was looking way more amused to his liking.

Dean grabbed his phone while frowning at his brother then looked at the mentioned pictured and froze.

Castiel was standing covered in blood. But not his blood. It was Metatron's blood that his body was on the floor with a hole at where his heart should be. Castiel was holding Metatron's heat in his hand and was looking at the camera with a confused head tilt.

He had no idea how Castiel managed to look downright scary, hot as fuck and adorable.

That adorable badass was his husband.

He felt warmth spread in his body from both arousal and love.

Yup, he fell in love with the right guy.

"He ripped his heart out, because he hurt me?" Dean wondered looking back at Sam with wide eyes,

"Yup. Looks like Castiel made it his job to destroy whoever lay a hand on you." Sam smirked teasingly. "Someone is a little bit overprotective don't you think?"

Dean blushed at that but couldn't help the pleased grin on his face.

He looked back at the picture.

"I am going to frame it."

"I was afraid you were going to say that."

***

They sat in the library, and told Dean their plan. Minus the whole the one in control might not make it thing.

Sam was feeling guilty on not telling Dean about that. He deserved to know. He deserved to know that Castiel might not make it. But he knew that he will crush his brother if he said anything.

His heart broke when he saw how excited his brother was at the fact that he was finally going to see Castiel again.

Then, Sam made his decision.

***

A few minutes before sundown Dean sat down on the bed to watch the video Castiel left him.

He completely forgot to watch it when he woke up. But know he remembered.

But after watching it, his heart dropped. Risks? What was Cas talking about? And why did he sound like he was going to leave him? Is something going to happen to Cas during the separation?

Just then, Sam opened the door and looked at him hurriedly.

"Sam! What are you hiding from me? is there something going to happen to Cas during the separation? And why the insistence on doing it while Cas in control? What are you hiding?!" Dean yelled at him frantically heart pounding so fast.

"It was Castiel's choice. Whoever in control will suffer the pain of both and might not make it. Castiel insisted that it would be him so you won't have to suffer. But he asked me not to tell you. but I thought you should know." Sam looked at him sadly after finishing.

Dean froze with shock and panic.

"You are telling me this now?! Quick! We need to do the separation now! Don't let Cas do it! Don't let-"

He was interrupted when he felt the pain of the transformation.

"No! no Sam! Please! Don't let him do it! Sam!"

Sam just looked pained. "I'm sorry, Dean. I can't. I only told you so you would be mentally prepared to worst case scenarios. Cas and I couldn't let handle that pain. I'm sorry, Dean."

"No! Sam, please no. please." Dean sobbed eyes wide with panic and horror. "Please."

He started to glow and the last thing he heard before he slipped away was Sam's voice.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

 

    

  


	19. Chapter 19

Castiel opened his eyes to see Sam's sad eyes.

He immediately understood why Sam was here. He knew that Sam was going to tell Dean. Good thing he chose to tell him before the transformation.

He chose not to ask Sam about the reason of him being here. From the look in his eyes he knew what was Dean's reaction like. He hoped Dean will forgive him for this. He will do anything to spare Dean any kind of pain. He will do it with all his being without any regret.

He looked straight to Sam's eyes determinedly.

"I'm ready."

***

They decided to do it in the dungeon. So they could tie down Castiel properly.

Castiel was sitting on the chair Dean occupied when he was a demon before. Sam was tying Castiel down tightly to avoid anything happening during the separation.

Crowley was drawing sigils around Castiel both to bind him and to protect themselves in case Castiel's grace went out of control or another explosion happening.

Rowena was standing at the doorway holding The Pasha in her hands, waiting.

Sam finished tying Castiel's feet, he hesitantly looked up at Castiel's eyes and found him smiling reassuringly at him.

"It's going to be alright, Sam." Castiel reassured him but Sam couldn't shake the fear he was feeling.

"I know." He lied. Then looked hard at Castiel. "You promised me, Cas. remember that."

Castiel's smile turned gentle. "I remember."

"I'm done." Crowley announced straitening up.

"I guess this it." Sam stated shaking a little.

"Sam." He looked back at Castiel. The angel hesitated for a second then raised begging eyes at him. "Take care of him. In case I- in case I couldn't keep my promise."

Sam's heart clinched with pain and fear. "I will, Cas. I will."

Castiel, satisfied with his answer, looked at Rowena and nodded at her. "Get on with it."

***

Rowena put the noose loosely around his neck. Then watched her stepping back and away to grab at the other end of the Pasha.

He heard her say a spell, he suspected it was like she was telling the Pasha what it was supposed to do.

Then, suddenly, the noose tightened hard around his neck and started to choke the life out of him.

He gasped harshly trying in vain to get air into his lungs.

A few minutes passed like this, then Rowena started to pull.

That's when the real pain started.

He was being ripped apart literally. His entire being was splitting in half. Every cell in his body was screaming with agony, like the Pasha's energy was forcing it to divide ten times faster. Maybe hundred no thousand times faster. It unbearable.

He heard screaming. He suspected it was coming from him but he couldn't care. His mind froze completely and only one thought was repeating in his brain. _Pain, pain, pain_. So much pain.

It was unbearable.

He heard himself screaming words, but he couldn't comprehend what he was saying. If he was even speaking in English. He said something about.. death? Oh, that sounded really good right now. Only death would spare him this pain. Only death will spare him all that agony he was feeling. All that sorrow he felt without Dean. All the pain he felt away from him.

Only death will give the relief from all of this.

All he needed was to let go.

He was about to let it all go. To leave all this behind. All the pain, the suffering, the grief, everything. He will finally be at peace.

But then, a voice pierced his frozen brain.

                 _"You must promise that you will handle the separation. Please, Cas. don't let Dean sees you dead beside him after hoping for month and a half to see you. he won't handle it, Cas! I will then lose both of you!"_

Sam's distressed voice rang through his brain. Pushing through all the agony he was feeling in every cell in his body. In his entire being.

One word. One word kept repeating like a mantra in his head. No, not a word. A name.

_Dean._

_Dean, Dean, Dean._

He couldn't leave Dean.

He couldn't.

He promised he would never leave him.

Dean would be destroyed. Dean would be in pain. Dean would suffer.

_Dean would die without him._

He got back to his senses. He needs to hold on. He needs to handle it.

He grabbed the chair's armrests tightly. He could feel it break from how tight he was grabbing it.

He couldn't care. He needs to focus. Needs to hold on.

_Pain, pain, pain._

**No!**

_Dean! Dean! Dean!_

Don't think about the pain! Only Dean! Always Dean!

_Dean, Dean, Dean._

 

He can hear himself screaming the name out loud. Like he was gaining his strength from it. Which was true.

His strength was Dean. His power was Dean.

_His life was Dean._

He held on. He will hold on.

***

It was the worst thing Sam ever saw in his life. And he saw a lot of bad things but that was on top of the list.

Castiel screaming from agony. Body recoiling and trembling violently from unbearable pain. Eyes wide but unseeing.

Sam was shivering with fear and panic. He can also feel Crowley shivering too.

Then Castiel started to scream words.

"Please!" he screamed. "Please! Let me die! Please, please, let me die, please."

He kept screaming it over and over and over again.

Each time making Sam almost faint from how panicked, scared and worried he was.

It was unbearable.

Maybe the angel won't be able to keep his promise after all.

Castiel kept at it until something changed.

He grabbed the armrests, eyes closed tightly. Then his mantra changed.

"Dean!" Castiel screamed with all his agony and longing. "Dean! Dean! Dean!"

Castiel kept repeating Dean's name. like he was gaining his strength from his name. like he was holding on to the name.

Sam's heart was pounding so fast. What he was seeing was proof of the unconditional love Castiel had for Dean. The angel was begging to die, then he remembered Dean. Remembered his promise to Sam. And held on. Fighting the pain. Just for Dean.

Then, it happened.

Sam thought he was imagining it at first. But he was wrong. He was really seeing it.

Castiel face was changing. His eyes turned into a different color. His head was getting longer.

His face was turning into Dean.

Dean's face started to move forward. The pasha was pulling him out.

In front of Sam and Crowley's wide eyes, they saw Dean being pulled out of Castiel slowly.

First his head. Then his shoulders started to separate from Castiel too. Then his torso.

It was agonizingly slow.

And Castiel never stopped screaming.

Sam couldn't imagine the pain he must be in.

After what felt like hours, Dean was almost completely out.

Rowena was panting hard from the exertion.

Just the moment Dean was completely separated, the Pasha around his neck, Castiel glowed then an explosion happened.

Thanks to the sigils Crowley had drawn, the explosion didn't reach them, but its force threw them all back nonetheless.

Sam got back on his feet when everything calmed down and looked around frantically.

He sagged with relief when he saw Dean sprawled out on the floor unconscious but breathing.

But Sam was worried with how Castiel slumped forward in the chair motionless.

Sam rushed towards him and checked him out.

His heart stopped with panic.

Castiel wasn't breathing.

  

 

 

 

       


	20. Chapter 20

"Guys! Guys! Help me untie him!"

Sam shouted frantically while he quickly began to untie Castiel's wrests.

Crowley rushed towards him and started to untie Castiel's feet and legs.

When they are done they laid his on the floor carefully.

"Come on, Cas! you made it this far don't go now!" Sam was shouting while he was pushing on Castiel's chest where his heart was, trying to revive him. "Come on! Please!"

He kept pressing, then switched to hitting his chest sharply when that failed.

He was still shouting, but now there was tears falling from his eyes.

"Please, Cas! don't go! Please! Wake up! You made it! Don't give up now! Please!"

He hit Castiel's chest one last time with all his strength.

Finally, Castiel let out a sharp gasp and opened his eyes for a second then passed out again.

But he was breathing.

Sam sagged with relief and grabbed Castiel and hugged him close to his chest and sobbed with relief and happiness.

They did it! They really, really did it! Both Dean and Castiel are alive and separated!

He cried with happiness for a few minutes, then Crowley's voice broke the moment.

"I think we should move them to somewhere more comfortable. I think they will be unconscious for a while."

Sam nodded in agreement and released Castiel reluctantly.

With help of Crowley and Rowena, they managed to move Dean and Castiel to their room.

Sam stood in the room watching them laying next to each other. He almost forgot how they looked together in the same room. How perfect for each other they are. How sappy, inseparable they are. God, he missed it so much.

"How long do you think they will stay unconscious?" he asked Rowena who was standing next to him.

"I don't know. I suspect that Dean will wake up first since Castiel suffered a lot and needs more time. But the angel has a habit of surprising and proving me wrong. I really thought he was going to die." Rowena answered looking at Castiel with admiration. "He is strong. Even if he wasn't fully charged. His heart and his fighting spirit are enough. And of course his love for your brother makes him ten times stronger."

"I know." Sam smiled proudly at Castiel's sleeping form. "He is the best thing that ever happened to us. He is our family."

"You Winchesters are lucky. If his heart was available I would have tried to take him myself." She smiled smugly.

"Of course you will." Sam chuckled softly while shaking his head.

They were silent for a few seconds.

"Thank you. for everything." Sam whispered sincerely looking at her gratefully.

She was taken aback for a second but composed herself quickly.

"I guess you guys owe me now." She smiled smugly at him.

"Of course we are." He answered sincerely.

She looked uncomfortable from all the sincerity and gratefulness she was receiving. She apparently not used to it.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." She huffed in fake annoyance. "I will go look for 'My son' and make sure he doesn't steal anything. Shout if one of the lovebirds woke up."

With that she turned around and walked off to start her search for Crowley.

"Don't steal anything too, Rowena! Remember I will know if anything was missing!" he called at her retreating back.

"You are no fun!" she called back with fake annoyance.

Sam chuckled then looked back at the sleeping couple.

He grabbed a chair and put it beside the bed and sat down to wait for them to wake up.

He wasn't planning to miss their reunion. He knows it was going to be the sappiest, most heartbreaking and beautiful thing he will ever see.

***

Dean started to wake up slowly.

He didn't remember much, last thing he remembered was Sam telling him about Castiel's plane to sacrifice himself for him. Then, pain. So much pain. But he was sure it was nothing compared to what Castiel had suffered.

Castiel!

 Cas! what happened to Cas?! did he make it?! Or did he-

He couldn't finish that thought. He can't. he refused to open his eyes afraid to face the world.

What if he opened his eyes and instead of seeing the eyes and smile that he missed so much, he will see instead his husband's dead face?

No, he can't handle it. He will not open his eyes. He will not face whatever had happened.

But then, he felt a familiar warmth laying next to him. very familiar. a Warmth that was coming from a body that he didn't see for more than a month.

Dean felt his heart pounding so fast. Could it be? No, he can't hope. He won't handle it if it wasn't.

But he needs to see. He needs to open his eyes and look for himself. He needs to see Castiel. His body and soul demanded it.

He opened his eyes slowly. Then turned his head hesitantly to face the body next to him.

He found a pair of beautiful blue eyes, that he missed so much it hurts, staring right back at him.

Time froze for Dean. His eyes locked with Castiel's, both not daring to even blink. Afraid if they did, the other will disappear.

It felt like years had passed since they last saw each other. Dean felt like he was memorizing Castiel's face all over again.

They both reached out to each other hesitantly. Dean touched Castiel's face so gently, afraid that if he touched him hard enough he will break to pieces and vanish into thin air. Castiel was also touching his face the same way. Obviously with the same fear.

Dean and Castiel traced each other's faces. Like they were memorizing each other all over again.

Dean traced his fingers on Castiel's sharp jaw line, his high, wet cheek bones. Castiel was crying. He was vaguely aware for the tears falling from his own eyes, but he couldn't care. All he cared about was the beautiful angel in front of him. His hands were shaking while he was wiping Castiel's tears. He couldn't see his angel crying. Those beautiful, warm eyes shouldn't be filled with tears.

Castiel's eyes filled with so much love, so much warmth when he opened his lips to say one word.

"Dean." He whispered. All what Castiel was feeling was expressed in that one word. God, he missed that gravelly voice so much! Hearing it on the video was nothing compared to the real thing.

Hearing his name in that voice broke him completely. He threw himself in Castiel's arms and started sob into his neck where he his face.

How he missed this! The feeling of those strong arms wrapping around him protectively. His smell! God! He missed this smell! He smelt like thunderstorm, cinnamon and Dean's own cheap soap. It was perfect.

He felt Castiel hiding his face in his hair and sobbing into it too.

They clung to each other desperately. Afraid to let go. Afraid that this beautiful dream will end.

But no, not a dream. This felt real.

Dean was really seeing Castiel! He was really in the same room as him!

He pulled away from Castiel's neck to grab his head and kiss him ,frantically, everywhere on his face. On his forehead, his eyelids, his cheeks, his nose, his jaw, his ears. Then lastly, his lips.

He crashed his lips to Castiel's, like he was trying to swallow him. He needs it! He needs to feel Castiel.

They kissed and kissed. Both unwilling to break apart.

When the need for air became unbearable, the broke apart a few inches. Lips and foreheads touching.

"You idiot." Dean breathed against his lips. "What were you thinking?"

"You. I was thinking about you." Castiel breathed back. "All I cared about was seeing you again. Even for just a second."

"You almost got yourself killed!"

"Even if I did. I will come back to you. Always will come back to you."

Dean whined when he heard that. This sentence was so Castiel it hurts.

He kissed Castiel again more gently this time. he missed this so much. Missed the taste of his lips. His touch. His love. His everything.

They finally, started to be more aware of the world around him when they felt another presence in the room.

They looked towards the doorway to see Sam standing there leaning against the door frame and watching them.

"Finally! I thought you were going to swallow each other up before you notice me." Sam teased grinning at them.

They laughed a little nervously. "Hello, Sam." Castiel greeted smiling gently at him.

"Yeah, hey." Dean also greeted but his eyes remained on Castiel.

"Hey, guys. It's really good to see you both in the same room again." Sam grinned fondly at them. "Come on, Rowena wants to check on you to make sure everything is good."

They reluctantly let go of each other long enough to get up, but the moment they were on their feet they wrapped around each other again. Like they couldn't even stand any space between them.

Sam rolled his eyes fondly at them but didn't comment.

They reached the library to find Rowena and Crowley waiting in there.

"Well, Well, Well. Look who is finally up." Crowley smirked at them. "I almost forgot how sappy you were when you are in the same room."

Both Dean and Castiel glared at him, but there was no real heat in their glare. After all, they owe him.

"Anyway." Rowena rolled her eyes. "Let's see how you doing, Angel."

After checking up on both Dean and Castiel, Rowena turned her towards Castiel.

"You certainly exceeded my expectation." She stated looking at him with admiration. "I was almost certain if you did survive, you won't wake up. You are definitely something else, way stronger than you look."

"I will take that as a compliment." Castiel smiled at her.

"Alright. I guess we are not needed here anymore." Crowley got up from his chair and grabbed Rowena then got ready to disappear.

"Wait." Dean walked over to them and looked at them with gratefulness. "Thank you. both of you. for everything." He thanked them sincerely.

They looked taken aback. Obviously didn't expect Dean Winchester to thank them so sincerely.

"Uhm, uh, sure." Crowley looked at him strangely.

"Anytime?" Rowena said hesitantly.

Then they disappeared into thin air.

"Well, that wasn't awkward at all." Dean snorted turning towards his husband.

Their eyes met and stayed like that. Heat and arousal was burning him from the inside.

it had been so long since he felt Castiel's touch. He needed him. Needed him so bad. Needed to feel him again. To feel safe in his arms again.

And from the look in Castiel's eyes, he was feeling the same way.

Sam, obviously, started to feel the sexual tension in the air, cleaned his throat awkwardly.

"Well, I guess I will go get dinner. Then drive around for a while. A long while." He grabbed the car keys and rushed to get out of here.

The moment the bunker's door slammed shut, they jumped each other.

Dean kissed Castiel like a man possessed, he put all his need, love, frustration in to the kiss.

Castiel invaded his mouth, taking control of the kiss completely and Dean let him.

He felt the angel grabbing the back of his thighs, then he heaved him up easily, like Dean weighted nothing.

That turned him on even more. he always loved it when Castiel used his strength on him.

Dean wrapped his legs around Castiel's waist never breaking the kiss.

Their tongues fought brutally, then they mapped each other's mouths to memorize it all over again.

When Dean's hips rubbed against Castiel's,  he felt fireworks in his body that made him gasp into Castiel's mouth.

"Bedroom. Please, now." He gasped against Castiel's lips.

The angel nodded, eyes dark with passion, lust and love.

Castiel started to walk towards their room. Still carrying Dean in his arms easily.

The moment they entered the room, clothes started to fly everywhere.

When they are completely naked, Castiel laid Dean gently on the bed.

Dean let his eyes travel down Castiel's body. He almost forgot how beautiful he is.

Castiel laid on top of him covering his body completely with his own. It was always this way with Cas, like he was covering Dean from the world. Like he was the only one who get to see Dean like this. Which was true.

They kissed and kissed and kissed. The where physically unable to break apart. He felt Castiel's hands travels down his body sweetly and gently. Like he was touching a precious, breakable thing.

Castiel's lips traveled down his body, worshipping it. Kissing everywhere. When he reached his nipples Dean let out a loud moan and digs his fingers in Castiel's hair and pushed him more to his chest.

He was so hard it was getting painful. Castiel's touch always drove him wild. He needed him so bad. Needed to feel him.

He was so caught up in the feel of Castiel's lips on him that he didn't see him grabbing the lube from the nightstand, only when he felt the first press of his finger at his opening that he started to be more aware.

Dean pushed at the finger until it preached him. Castiel switched to his other nipple making Dean let out another loud moan.

One finger turned into two then three. Dean was writhing on the bed body trembling from all the sensations he was feeling.

Castiel was stretching him and hitting his prostate each time.

"Please. Please, Cas. I need you. please!" he panted into Castiel's mouth desperately.

He pulled his fingers out, Then placed himself at Dean's stretched opening. He paused and looked at Dean's eyes. He nodded at him to get on with it.

Then Castiel finally entered him. They both groaned at the sensation. Dean was feeling like he was coming home after so long. He wrapped his legs around his waist to get him even closer.

When Castiel entered all the way, they leaned their foreheads together to catch their breaths.

"I missed this. I missed you so much." Castiel breathed into his mouth. "I love you, Dean! I felt lost without you. so lost and alone. It hurts."

Dean's heart ached at the pain in his voice.

He cupped Castiel's face gently in his hands. "I missed you too. So damn much. It physically pained me to not be able to see you. to touch you. to feel you. I love you, Cas. I love you. I love you."

They kissed, tears falling from their eyes but they didn't care. In this kiss they let out all the pain, the longing, the emptiness they felt when they were separated.

Castiel started to move, but never broke the kiss. He moved with a steady rhythm. His thrusts were deep but gentle.

Their kiss now turned into just pressing their lips together unwilling to break apart.

Dean was panting, it felt so good. Every love making with Cas was like a new experience to Dean. Every time it felt even better. But this time was special. They were reclaiming and memorizing each other all over again.

"Harder, please." He murmured against Castiel's lips pleadingly.

Castiel obliged him, his thrusts became harder and deeper, hitting Dean's prostate every time.

Dean was screaming Castiel's name over and over again. Screaming how much he missed him, how much he loved him. They grabbed at each other like they were trying to climb inside each other all over again. They were becoming one again. Dean was Castiel's, and Castiel was his. Forever. And nothing will spate them ever again.

Dean came shouting Castiel's name at the top of his lungs, Castiel followed him also screaming his name.

Castiel collapsed on top of Dean. The hunter wrapped his arms around him refusing to let go.

They stayed like that, trying to catch their breath.

"I love you. so much." Dean murmured into Castiel's hair. "Don't ever leave me."

Castiel moved to kiss Dean sweetly.

"Never."

***

Life in the bunker became even weirder for Sam after that.

Dean and Castiel was even more inseparable than before, he didn't know it was possible but they proved him wrong.

Dean's new hoppy was to cling at Castiel the whole time. which Castiel happily recuperate.

They even follow each other in the bathroom! Sam suspects that Dean fired Castiel's shadow and took his job instead.

Dean would set on Castiel's lap all day, and when Castiel needed to get up, instead of asking Dean to get off like a normal person would, he would just carry Dean instead and move around with him in his arms.

It was annoying, it was hilarious, it was so sweet in made him sick.

Sam was still trying to figure out his feelings about this, so don't judge him!

And of course, their sex life became even more louder and frequent than before. Now, they did the deed at least four times a day.

Sam was now absolutely sure it was an angel thing.

And the worst part? He was not even annoyed by all of this!

What was wrong with him?!

Instead he was finding all that endearing and sweet as hell.

Dean was right. He was turning into a girl.

He was thinking that while he was trying to wake the love birds up to eat breakfast.

He opened their door after he knocked for fifteen minutes with no answer.

He couldn't blame them. They did it three times yesterday so they must be exhausted.

God, Sam! What was wrong with you?!

He saw them on the bed. Dean draped on top of Castiel while the angel was holding him. Both clearly naked.

"Guys! Come on! Time to get up, I made breakfast!"

The groaned while waking up and cursed at him. When Sam was about to shout at them again to get up something caught his eye.

There was a new framed picture on Dean's nightstand next to their wedding picture.

When Sam looked closely he realized it was the picture Crowley took for Castiel when he was covered in blood and holding Metatron's heart.

"Oh My God, Dean! You actually framed it?!"

"Of course I did. It was a proof of how adorably badass my husband is." Dean replied smugly then kissed Castiel obnoxiously loud to annoy Sam.

Sam glared at him but was struggling to keep the smile of his face.

"I hate you."

"Love you too, bro!"

Yup, Sam was content with his life.

But he will die before admitting that to Dean.  

   

   

 

 

 

 

  

 

  

   

        

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it. I really hope you guys like it. thanks to everyone who commented and left kudos. it meant a lot to me.
> 
> hope uou guys like my next works too!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked the first chapter. please tell me what you guys think :)


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